mat.and.carly

5x7 Folded Card

2011-06-23T14:34:00.001-06:00

Thanks Much Sky Thank You 5x7 folded card

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debbie downer

2011-05-19T13:47:00.003-06:00

i'm having a rough mommy day. there are a lot of variables contributing, not really sure any one of them warrants the cranky feeling i'm having. but all combined, they are bringing me to the edge. ok, not really the edge.....but i'm still .... just .... blah. i feel like i'm in over my head with this toddler i have. for the first time, he pulled something breakable off a shelf at hancock fabrics today. and it broke. and the cashier wouldn't let me pay for it. i said "i'm so sorry" and she said "i know you are" i'm not sure if she was being sarcastic or not, but i felt judged for having a wild child running around laughing. i felt really judged. the worst part was that i didn't know...really....how to handle it. obviously i wanted to/tried to pay for the broken little knickky-knack. but as for levi, i didn't know how to handle it. i told him that was not ok, but what else should i have done? when do you start spanking? what warrants a spanking? how do you discipline an (almost) 18 month old wild child who is too curious to pay attention to you for more than 5 seconds? i know these questions are so different for every parent, i just really feel like i need some guidance. i feel so impatient. i feel like i'm losing my temper with him too quickly. i don't want to be the mom who yells.....i just don't feel like he listens to me. he's starting to pitch little fits....involving kicking, screaming and writhing on the floor, simply when i ask him to get out of the fridge. how did he get so old so fast?

on top of all this feeling inadequate and judged....... we have water in our basement :( and none of our babysitters are available on saturday to watch levi so we can go out for our anniversary (which is FINE. i understand they have their own lives..... just bummed) and i feel sick. it's probably the weather, but it's a vicious cycle. i feel gross cuz i can't go outside and play, but i can't go outside and play cuz the weather is bad. so i feel sick :( like i said, each of these on their own is really no big deal. when they all culminate at once, they are sucky :(

and then the little monster falls asleep like this, even before lunch. apparently running wild and breaking things takes it's toll on you. this makes me smile, even when i want to pull my hair out.

what an arm!

2011-05-03T14:46:00.006-06:00

i'm sad how long it's been since i've updated this thing. i got sick, then healthy, then sick again. mat's taken three business trips, my sister came to visit, levi's been sick for almost a month and we took a vacation to seattle (levi and i met mat out there on the tale end of one business trip). it's been a whirlwind few weeks, and now the littlest smith has an ear infection, cold virus, faucet for a nose and a wicked cough. but he's still fun. and he still offers kisses......which i readily accept even when there is snot in them. all too soon, the day will come that he won't want to kiss his mama anymore.
his newest thing is chucking EVERYTHING. he walks up to me with a toy. i cringe, worrying he's going to throw it in my face. he sucked down a sippy cup of water at hobby lobby today, and promptly rocketed it to the lady standing behind us in line. then he smiled. little stinker.
our vacation was amazing. it was our first not-montana vacation in 3 years (i think)......our first 3 member family vacation EVER. we spent thursday through tuesday in seattle, staying on lake union. we rode the elevator, watched the sea planes land from our room, ate lots of seafood, walked a lot and cuddled in our king size bed. levi did good, all except for the first night. but don't we all cry and wail in our first night in a strange hotel bed? we visited family, met lots of new friends, saw some dear old friends, took a trip up the space needle, to the children's museum, the waterfront.....it was excellent. we have lots and lots of pictures, i'll put them in the next post. i'm a lucky lady, with some great friends and two boys in my life whom i love very very much.
blessed.

here's a link to the vacation pictures. hope it works!

stop chewing on aunt katie

2011-03-31T10:24:00.003-06:00

for some reason there are tons of school pictures of aunt katie floaing around our basement, and levi loves carrying her around with him :) and he's getting more teeth, so everything is going in the mouth again. and he's a slobber monster. and he's napping in the morning again. these teeth are really taking a lot out of him. poor goober. other than his mouth hurting, he's doing great. we survived mat being gone for 5 days in indianapolis, now we are looking forward to our seattle trip next month. :) levi has lots of new friends to meet in seattle, and we have lots of family time to look forward to! and aunt connie is visiting between now and then! yay! i'm reading a lot in this great book called "you matter more than you think" and it's really stretching me. i'm trying to get better about doing a devotional, thoughtful, just-me reading every day, but not beating myself up when it doesn't happen every day. i want to work on being more real in this blog, putting more of myself out there and seeing what i get back. trying to be a better wife, a more diligent mom, a more thoughtful friend, a more intentional child of God, a more genuine person all around. lots of growing and tugging and work, but it'll be worth it in the end. i've also been working out more, or at least trying to....and it's an interesting parallel to my relationship with Jesus. both are hard work, but both are SO worth the hard work, one obviously more so than the other. but if i make time for the crazies on my work out dvds, who don't know me from adam......why not more so should i make time for the lover of my soul?

who wants some free stuff???

2011-03-23T09:53:00.002-06:00

head on over to little boys are made of frogs, snails and puppy dog tails for a fun giveaway from baby lovenotes.

and if you are here because of the giveaway, say hey and let me know! :)

wordless wednesday

2011-03-23T09:51:00.003-06:00

if you keep using that as a dinglehopper, i'm taking it away

2011-03-23T09:25:00.003-06:00

this lovely laughable came out of my dear hubby's mouth at dinner the other night. levi's using his own fork now, mostly. but it mostly is used to comb his hair and nearly poke eyes out. it's pretty funny, really. but he's getting more independent every day. and so smart. when i ask if he wants to go outside, he goes into his room and brings me his shoes. he listens really well most of the time and is, of course, so fun. he hates flip flops and hats; he's loving my sunglasses right now, even though they don't stay on his face. he is phasing out his morning nap, which will take more adjusting for me than for him!! last week my grandparents and uncle and cousin visited for 5 days. it was so much fun. levi spent lots of time with gg pat and papa bob, as well as playing and snuggling with brittany and spent most of the trip to the zoo in uncle rob's arms. it was so fun, he really warmed up to them quickly and would readily go to them whenever they came in the door. we went to the zoo, lots of shopping, and lots of good eating. uncle rob, brittany, mat and i went to a nuggets game one night too, it was SO NICE to have a kidless night, without having to get up every thirty seconds to walk around, keeping wiggly fingers from pulling strangers hair or put his fingers in our beer. it was lovely. mat, brittany and i were supposed to run in a 7k that sunday, but i came down with a stubborn cough, cold and sore throat, so everyone decided i should just skip it and relax. which was better for me, i know. i just felt like i was whimping out. i'll make up for it, soon hopefully. it was a fantastic long weekend with family. we miss them already. mat's leaving on friday for indianapolis until wednesday, which makes me sad. i'm just hoping i feel better by then, that'll make the time much more enjoyable and easier on this mama.

clumsy

2011-03-18T09:43:00.004-06:00

"i fell on my ear, i fell on my face
i fell on myself all over the place"

this is the story of this house lately. i broke my baby pinky toe, have an inch-long gash on my hand, and i've been struggling with this stinky cold for a week. levi is walking, spinning circles, trying to run and tumble. he's so busy that he's smacking his face and head on everything. lots of bruises and tear around here. though i'd expect nothing less with a toddler. he keeps us on our toes, that's for sure. he's awesome

decluttering

2011-03-05T13:28:00.002-07:00

simplemom

jump on the band wagon!

sweet little man

2011-02-24T22:13:00.004-07:00

these small toes belong to a sweet little man who has captured my heart. my dear friend joy had her baby on tuesday. she was 35 weeks pregnant, just a couple weeks shy of being full term. john had to be taken early because joy's fluid levels were dangerously low. he entered this world early, quickly and dramatically.

he is currently on a ventilator in the NICU in a hospital in texas. his mom is recovering from her c-section and trying to be there to comfort and cheer on her little man. and, oh yeah, his dad is in iraq. this family has a large chunk of my heart, and has been dominating my thoughts for the past week. he is a fighter, just like his mom and dad. but he needs our prayers. please band together with me, come up along side of me, and cover this family in your prayers.

from joy's facebook this evening " holding onto God's word for myself, my husband, and especially my son... John 14:27 I give my peace to you. I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid"

don't put batman in the dishwasher

2011-02-24T22:07:00.005-07:00

every day i say things that i've never thought i'd say. today, this is what it was :) levi is enamored with this tiny batman our neighbors gave him. it goes with him a lot of places, just the latest was being hucked into the dishwasher. he's figuring out that whenever the door opens, mom puts things in there, so now he hustles over to the dishwasher to make his deposit: tupperware lids (that are clean) sippy cups full of juice, and.....batman.

no worries, no superheros were harmed in the making of this funny.

he's a sweet boy, walking the majority of the time. he's teaching me to slow down. no longer can we hustle in and out of the stores. he likes to walk everywhere, holding my hand, getting distracted and spinning cookies, stopping in his tracks, dragging his feet. i'm trying to translate this lesson into other areas of my life..... as much as i want him to grow up "can't you just start talking so you can tell me what you want?" "you have to walk.... i'm sick of carrying you!" i just can't believe that he's already walking and signing and developing his personality. he's amazing and i love him to death, it's just hard to believe he's getting so big and old and...... not baby. he's a little boy. i'm working hard at remembering and relishing the every day moments we have together.

"enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things"
--robert brault

where i've been

2011-02-19T14:25:00.005-07:00

we've been trying to enjoy the sunny days when they come, cuz winter can come back without warning. today we spent most of the morning outside, and levi's been sleeping for 2 1/2 hours so far :)

i got this inflatable car at target for $5, and i'm working on a homemade ball pit (i definitely need more balls for the pit)
and levi found where his bath toy bin is. think he has enough?

practicing standing, eating and playing with papa at the same time. he's a busy monkey.

brewery tour on valentine's day. my parents were in town, so we went to the brewery, then mat and i went to the batting cage, and then all of us went out for bbq dinner. what a great valentines day that man got!!!

at levi's dedication with great grandma ev

at levi's dedication with nana and papa

valentine's day smoothie.........yum!

he definitely has got the hang of a straw. he drank half of my smoothie!

i finally let him open his barn from his birthday; and he promptly tried to ride it. does that mean he has too many ride-on toys? haha

chili dogs and cole slaw. can you see how close he got to eating any cole slaw??

doesn't that smile just melt your heart?

and this is the most adorable thing i've ever seen! the zoo with nana and papa.

oh yeah, and i've been doing a little working at nap times :) i have 5 sets of closet dividers to be made, and a whole batch of lovees to deliver to the children's hospital. i am so blessed to be able to create, and work in my own home. it's definitely not a gold mine, or enough for mat to stay home, but it's an amazing outlet for me, and gratifying to know that i can bless others with my creativity. thanks all :)

snow days

2011-02-08T13:24:00.005-07:00

we have had a lot of self imposed snow days around here lately. i say self imposed since i don't really have to go anywhere to get to work........and it's not like levi's preschool is going to be cancelled. we just decide not to go anywhere, enjoy snuggling, playing and drinking lots of hot tea. (i'm drinking so much of it, whenever levi sees my coffee mug he says "hhhhhhhot") here's a peek into our days the last couple weeks. :)we stand :)
we read LOTS and LOTS of books (big red barn 3 times today!)

we do a little blackberry-ing ;)

we stand in the chair and watch it snow.

we practice flushing the toilet (and turning on the dishwasher....little goober)

we finally figured out "touchdown" during the superbowl :)

we figured out how to open the cereal cupboard and help ourselves to kix

we chill

we play in the magazine rack

i love this littel goober. he makes me laugh all the time. and sometimes i laugh so loud, he starts laughing. so funny.

{mostly} wordless thursday

2011-02-03T14:37:00.003-07:00

determination defined by a 13 month old. precious

valentine

2011-01-30T21:55:00.001-07:00

Heartstrings Valentine's Day Card

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exciting

2011-01-24T09:36:00.002-07:00

i have been prayerfully considering and thinking a lot about giving back, doing something more with my time, and blessing others. at christmas our pastor talked about "C.O.A.L.- Christmas On Another Level" which he expanded to simply be LIFE on another level. Meaning Christmas shouldn't just be a day or a week in our year, but a way of life, a manner of living, and state of mind in which we constantly think outside of ourselves and to others. he handed out stickers, 12 of them, to put on our calendar every month to remind us of our "COAL" commitment. he suggested putting them on the 25th of each month......you know, like Christmas. well......that's tomorrow. since Christmas, i've been thinking about what i can do to make a different and do something more. my first thought was children's hospital. i SO take levi's health for granted, i am so greatful that he is a happy, healthy, developing toddler who, thus far, as escaped any serious health issues. i know that not every family is so lucky. and i want to do something to help those families, and those babies. i know what i can do won't make much of a difference, it won't help pay their medical bills, won't heal the kids, and won't make the things they are going through any easier, but i want to at least provide a little blessing, a small ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark and scary time. i have been prompted and lead to make and donate one lovee blanket for every sale in my shop. that's right, for every sale that i've had or will have in the weeks and months to come, one infant in the NICU will have a snuggly, cuddly lovee blanket to help in whatever small way it might help. i pray that God will do something bigger with these blankets than i can do. i pray that God will use these blankets in a monumental way, to speak words of life, peace and comfort into the scared minds and hearts of the parents, and that he will use the simple gift of a lovee to........ i don't know, just bring a little joy into their hearts. i know that God can do bigger and better things through just a simple act. i humbly ask you to be with me in this, to be praying for the families that will get the blankets, and for the kids who will be fighting for their lives.
thank you in advance for your prayers, support and encouragement. if you want to donate a lovee, pick something out of my shop, or email me to donate one without a purchase!

wordless wednesday

2011-01-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

sad

2011-01-07T14:50:00.002-07:00

i got no entries in my giveaway.
i'm trying really hard not to take it personally. it seems so junior high-ish to say "no one likes me or my shop or my blog. why doesn't anyone like me?" i'm trying not to get sucked into this as a popularity contest or anything...... but i'm frustrated. and, to be honest, all those thoughts are running through my head. i'm not sure what i can do to make people care about what i'm writing and what i'm doing........

intentional

2011-01-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

inspired by my dear friend heather, i have decided to choose a word for 2011. a word to remember and try to live my life by. a word that will hopefully give my life, my days, my activities, my mothering, my wife-ing.......direction and purpose. the word that i'm working hard to remember this year is INTENTIONAL. i'm trying hard to be intentional with my time, my money, my food, my choices, my attitudes, my activities, my talents, my attention, my heart, my energy. i'm trying to make intention the cornerstone of this year. no more half-assing things. no more laziness. no more wallowing.

"There is an eagle in me that wants to soar,

and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud"

-- Carl Sandburg

baby lovenotes and whimsy hair notions GIVEAWAY!

2010-12-15T09:48:00.004-07:00

hello to all my readers, both old and new! i have some exciting news!
My dear friend Colleen at Whimsy Hair Notions has partnered with me for another GREAT BIG giveaway! This is going to be big. If you haven't checked out her page, either on Facebook or Etsy, go. do. it. NOW! Her flower clips are beautiful, and her hand knitted hats are awesome! Levi has one of her newsboy style hats, and even though it doesn't stay on his head for longer than 15 seconds, it's adorable. And I have high hopes some day he'll wear it ;)
For this giveaway, Colleen has sent me a whole box of beautiful deep purple flower clips, with plenty of sparkle, sass, and style! And for my part, I will be making a personalized, custom fabric covered initial hair clip holder. (This is a BRAND NEW product for my shop. So new, I've only made one and I don't even have a picture to entice you with! But trust me, it's good!) This package will be perfect for any little lady in your life. Unfortunately, it won't be over in time to be an in-time for Christmas gift, but it could be a great gift for a birthday, shower gift, or even a late Christmas present ;)

So, you want to know how to enter? There are several ways to enter. Be sure to leave a separate comment for each entry (up to five entries)
1) become a fan of baby lovenotes AND Whimsy Hair Notions on facebook (and write on our walls to help us feel the love!)
2) follow my blog
3) visit baby lovenotes AND Whimsy Hair Notions on Etsy and tell me what your favorites are
4) make a purchase from either of our shops
5) share this giveaway with your fans or followers on your blog or facebook page

Have fun with this giveaway! I will draw a name on the 26th. That gives you TEN days!
Ready?
SET!
GO!

christmas 2010

2010-12-13T20:26:00.001-07:00

Funky Christmas Wishes Christmas 5x7 folded card

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vintage love

2010-12-13T10:23:00.006-07:00

i love the vintage pearl. my dear friend mysha got me this lovely necklace for christmas last year. it's amazing, i wear it almost every day. and every time i'm wearing it, levi grabs it and loves on it too. it's like he knows it's all about him :)

i would love to get a personalized charm with his name on it to go along with it. i had an "L" but levi tugged on it one too many times and it broke. but seriously, they have so much good stuff.

if you check out their blog, they are giving away LOTS of goodness.

some of my faves, in no particular order:

christmas 2010

2010-12-07T11:00:00.001-07:00

Holly Frame Christmas Card

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shutterfly lovin

2010-12-07T09:52:00.005-07:00

i adore shutterfly. i have made levi two photo books in the past year, both of which were free. i won one from a blog i follow, and the other one was a perk from the formula we use for levi. so while i didn't spend money on his books, i would have. the pictures are printed so beautifully, the covers are so sweet. i just love them.
another thing about shutterfly i love is their christmas cards. there are so many great ones to choose from. we've had a big year, with our little monkey turning one tomorrow, and i have so many great pictures i want to share with our christmas card list. even though i thought i had it nailed down as to which pictures i would choose for our christmas card, just in perusing shutterfly's christmas card options.......suddenly i'm doubting everything! one big family picture? several smaller pictures of things we've done throughout the year? a timeline of levi's growth and changes over the year? or, oh my gosh, the best of both worlds.......a christmas photo card AND christmas letter, all in one??? oh my word, this one is cute too!!
regardless of what decision i hope to make soon (inevitably i'll let mat pick something out, since he's usually more "i don't like that one" than i am. i'm usually so wishy washy.)...... i know i will be happy with my selection. anything i've ordered from shutterfly, be it the photo books, the custom notepads levi sent his grandma's for mothers day, or just my pictures printed at target, i've been elated with. and i truly think that this years christmas card will be my favorite. thanks to having two handsome men in the pictures with me, and thanks to shutterfly's (50 free photo card promotion) help :)

a couple of my favorite shutterfly goodies (other than the christmas cards and photo books!)
* these photostrips. ADORABLE!!! such a good idea for levi's thank you cards for his party!
* this mounted wall art. this would make great gifts for grandparents! i'll have to keep these in mind!
* these desk calendars. again, a great gift idea for grandparents who want to see levi's picture every month of the year :) i might have to take some "seasonally appropriate" pictures throughout the year for this one!

one thing i wish shutterfly made....... a photo address book. really i'd just like to put a family picture on the front of an address book. i'll keep my fingers crossed that this is in production :)

bobbin winder

2010-11-18T09:57:00.003-07:00

i have become an excellent bobbin winder. and an excellent seam ripper.

which means........i've been sewing up a storm!

thanks to my favorite blog, Little Bit Funky, I was inspired to make a TON of ornaments this year. Most of them will be headed to Iraq shortly for the Cav 1-9 division. My darling friend Joy's husband is deployed there, so she asked me to make ornaments for all the soldiers in his division. I do have a few left that I'm hoping will be Christmas presents, and maybe give aways for some fans of my shop. This took up a boat load of my time, but I'm so glad I could bless the soldiers in this way, the men and women who are fighting for our freedom, who are away from their family for such a long time.

it's truly the least i can do for such amazing people. it warms my heart.

belated big announcement

2010-09-27T15:03:00.004-06:00

another thing that has been keeping me so busy is my new etsy shop!! that was my big annoucement that i failed to announce here..... whoopsies. i launched my new shop the middle of june, and it's been keeping me busy this summer. i've been making mostly baby decor and such; my cards have not been as big of a seller, unfortunately. but i'm still staying busy, being creative and blessing those who order things from my shop.

things i need to be productive

2010-09-27T13:56:00.003-06:00

this,

this, and one of these on in the background....

pictures from our summer

2010-09-27T10:14:00.005-06:00

just a few of my favorite pictures from the summer. i can't understand why blogger can't put them into my post in the order i upload them in, and i don't have the time to reorganize them, so they are a little random...... but still cute ;)

first camping trip, with cousin cayla.

first four wheeler ride....a HIT!

first bath in the sink..... he only liked it a little bit ;)

me and levi enjoying the yard

levi and papa

yellowstone national park

monkey at the zoo

4th of july with nattie

colorado springs zoo....full size sophies!!

end of two long days of sod laying

our memorial day adventure to red rocks and dinosaur ridge

it was a hot summer

toes taste so good

heckuva

2010-09-27T10:00:00.003-06:00

wow. where the heck has time gone? and where the heck have i been? i've been debating whether i wanted to post-post and pretend i haven't been MIA all summer......but the longer i thought about doing that, the longer i delayed in actually posting. SO....... i've decided to actually be honest and post from the real date. there'd be too much to update, and it's too hard for me to write as if i'm living in the past. ya know?
here's our summer in a nutshell:
* our lawn is now landscaped, and wonderful. our water bill increased by over 200% which was a little shocking, but it's fantastic. we didn't do the fence this summer, but we have a wonderful underground sprinkler system and nice green grass. ah-MAZ-ing
* mat played another season of baseball. it was a dismal season, not much winning by his team. and, honestly, he's getting sick of losing. the jury is still out as to whether or not he'll play again next summer.
* several rockies games, levi does so good considering most of them happen right during his naptime. same to be said for levi in the nursery at church. he does great, but falls asleep in the car before we are out of the parking lot. he just loves playing with the other kiddos.
* several trips down to colorado springs to see our friends, the mcclungs. they are moving in a few days, so we tried to soak up as much time with them as we could. we spent the kid's first 4th of july together, taking fun pictures and laughing. it was amazing. i'm going to miss them.
* a week long visit with auntie katie. rockies games, shopping, and the zoo. just lots of fun times together. her trip was nicely bookended with a road trip up to montana!
* a monthlong vacation in montana (two weeks for mat, a month for me and beezus.) a trip to yellowstone national park, mat and i running another 5k, an ear infection for levi, a sinus infection for me, a 4 day family reunion in big sky, a four wheeler ride.....our trip was jam packed. levi and i flew home, and he did fantastic! i was so nervous, since he was still recovering from his ear infection, but he did great! played with the barf bag the first half of the flight, and slept the second half. wonderful!
* levi's first college football game. we went down to the springs to see AF play...crap i can't remember who they played. it was a HOT, windless, sunny, HOT day, but the kids did really good. nicole and i sat under the bleachers (the only place there was any shade to speak of) for most of the game, but we still had fun.

whew........NOW do you see where i've been? it's been a busy summer, but so much fun. and we've got lots of stuff to look forward to:
* spending some more time with the mcclungs before they move! :(
* a long weekend trip to texas for levi and i to visit my dear friend joy. she's preggo and her hubby was just deployed to iraq for a year. i can't wait for her to meet levi, to spend some good girl time with her, and help her in any way we can!
* planning levi's birthday parties. we will have one in montana and one in colorado......what a spoiled little boy! and on that note,
* we are going back to montana for thanksgiving, so that's something else to be looking forward to! i can't believe that levi's almost one. what a whirlwind of a year, but so amazing. wow.

friday five

2010-05-21T12:35:00.000-06:00

top five things i'm looking forward to for the summer
1) getting our yard landscaped!!!! omg, i'm so excited to get it done!! it's been a wish list project since we bought the house. "ground breaking" is on friday. our whole yard will be torn up, sprinkler system installed and we'll lay sod. hopefully we have some friends we can count on to help us instal the sod so we can save some moolah!

2) HeavenFest at the end of july! it'll be the third year we'll go. it's always such a fun time, great bands and amazing music in the colorado sunshine. we are still debating on bringing levi or not, but either way it should be fun.

3) alberda family reunion in montana in august. it's always so good to see our huge extended family, relax in the sunshine and get to introduce levi to everyone. that will also be our third trip up to montana, and probably our longest one. it'll be another long drive through wyoming, but we'll probably be up there for a couple weeks, and levi and i will be up their longer and just fly home (probably) so we'll get to spend lots of good time with all the people we have to see up there. good family and friend time, for sure!

4) more rockies games, camping (hopefully!), bike rides, concerts, fireworks, my birthday, swimming, picnics, laying in the grass, iced tea, flip flops, sunshine, green grass, blue skies and bbqs.

5) JUNE 14th. not only is that my sisters birthday (and i'm hoping she'll come visit around there) but i have a BIG announcement to make..... and that'll be the day i make it. please stay tuned to my blog for more information and the upcoming announcement..... i'm counting on all of my followers and friends to make this project a success!!!

montana

2010-05-17T21:39:00.003-06:00

we took another trip to montana, we just got back this evening. both boys are in bed (levi for good, mat to prepare for his audit shift tonight) and i'm snuggly on the couch, catching up on the online world (aka: facebook and blogs :) i am amazed at what a good traveller levi is. we drove for 12 hours to get up to bozeman on wednesday, then three hours up to missoula on friday, back to bozeman on sunday and back home today. we spent over 26 hours of our trip in the car, and he rocked it! he had a few moments, but overall he does so good. the sooner we get him used to it, the better i figure! we'll be coming back probably twice more this year....he'll be an old pro in no time!

all the grandparents loved seeing him, and he got to meet his great grandma nancy and great bumpa (mat's dad's parents) which was great! auntie katie graduated from U of M, he was a trooper spending most of saturday out in the sun being passed from relative to relative. he did take a snuggly little nap on me during most of the ceremony, which was wonderful, but a little toasty roasty and sweaty :)

CONGRATULATIONS AUNT KATIE!!!!!

dear levi: month 5

2010-05-08T21:20:00.001-06:00

Dear Levi,
Where did my baby boy go? I have a little boy on my hands now. Your dad and I were just talking about how much you have changed over the last month. You are now holding up your head so good, so aware of everything and everyone around you. You are starting to get a little stranger/seperation anxiety....which means we'll start putting you in the nursery at church soon. You are the sweetest little nugget when you are in my arms and you look up at me in surprise, like you forgot I was holding you. And the noises you are making are amazing. You screech and squeal and shriek in delight, sometimes even closing your eyes to get that extra oomph of energy. Even when you are in the back of the car all by yourself, you still chatter up a storm to your Sophie. You are an amazing little boy, and I'm so lucky to be your mom. I can't wait to start feeding you "real" food soon, helping you learn to sit up, and hearing you use your voice even more. I pray for you every day, that you will be a healthy little boy with strong muscles and a loud voice.
You are amazing. Thanks for letting me be your mom. I love you,
Momma

first friday five

2010-05-07T21:33:00.003-06:00

in an effort to post more often, i want to write some regular posts with somewhat of a theme. introducing, friday five. it'll be a short way to give anyone who reads this a little peek into my head on any given week. and one list that's been bouncing around in my head this week is.....

5 moms i NEVER thought i'd be:

1) i vowed i would NEVER be the mom of a thumb sucker. as someone who sucked her thumb until second grade, and had the jacked up teeth to prove it, i swore i would never let my child suck his (or her) thumb. i tried my darndest to get levi to take a pluggie.....but to no avail. last week i just finally gave up. he had reached the point that he would pull it out seconds after i stuffed it into his yapper, and stare at it like "what the heck mom?" then little thumbkin would once again reside in his mouth. and.......he's so stinking cute when he sucks it, especially when his pointer hooks over his nose

2) i honestly never anticipated being a stay at home mom. until i got pregnant and the possibility was looming, i just kinda had in the back of my mind that i'd still work, if even part time. especially with me going to school and pursuing my "career", i just thought i'd keep working. but, at the same time i knew day care wasn't really something for us. not sure how i thought that would work, but that's what was in my mind. NOW.....i can't imagine not spending all day with levi. some days are a little crazy and long and even a little frustrating, but, as my last post illustrated, he's capable of melting my heart and putting everything into perspective with just a simple giggle or slobbery formula-breath kiss. man alive i love that little boy.

3) i NEVER thought i would be a cloth diapering mom. NEVER. EVER EVER. but now, i love it. i'm so sick of the part time disposable diapering we've been doing. it seems like every time i put levi in a disposable, his little bummy gets all rashy and red.......it's ridiculous! i'm even giving nighttime diapering another try tonight (hopefully the punky doesn't wake up in a puddle again....) i don't mind washing them, drying them..... and every time we don't use a disposable it saves us that many cents :)

4) i NEVER thought i'd be a mom who's favorite smell is formula breath. is that gross? i love his little slobbery kisses, and his sweet milky breath. i feel like it will all change when he starts eating real food, so i'll enjoy every whiff while i can

5) i NEVER thought i'd be a creeper mom who hovers over his crib as he sleeps, who bends over backwards to make him happy, who doesn't mind picking noses or being slobbered or drooled on, washing the afforementioned cloth diapers, cuddling his little naked self even if it means being peed on, who is working so hard to make mommy friends so that he'll have friends when he gets older. i guess that's what it means to be a mom. i can't believe how much room i had in my heart, how much i would love him after even 5 short minutes, let alone 5 months. amazing

melty

2010-05-06T14:40:00.002-06:00

i had the best afternoon with this little boy. it wasn't even the whole afternoon.....i had the best 20 minutes snuggling with him. i was reclining on our chairs upstairs, with my feet on the ottoman and he was sitting on my lap. we sang "itsy bitsy spider" and "patty cake" and snuggled and giggled. then he got a little "ready for nap" acting, so i put him on his tummy on my chest. he would burrow his head down into my chest, then pop his head up as if to say "peek-a-boo" (another new favorite). he would giggle and smile and generally melt my heart.

those tender moments before his nap made me realize how lucky i am to get to spend all day with him. even the rough days, his little giggle and smile helps me through them. it also makes me realize how much time i spend wasting and NOT playing with him throughout the day. it's so easy to just lay him on his playmat and let him do his own thing, especially when he's this little. but these moments are so fleeting....he's already growing up so fast, that i now know i need to work at making more of an effort to really spend time WITH him, not just next to him or in the same room.... but WITH him.

so many things need to change.... it's intimidating to make a million changes all at once, so i'll start making small changes. less online time. more real life time.

{not} wordless wednesday

2010-05-05T09:36:00.004-06:00

i can't NOT write anything about this picture...... WHERE did my baby go?

for crying out loud, he's drinking out of a sippy cup {mostly}, he's eating rice cereal, he's sleeping through the night {again}, he's wearing tennis shoes..... yesterday i dressed him in a polo shirt and his little brown pants. he looked like such a little boy it took my breath away.

he's amazing. i love watching him grow up, although it's already happening too fast!!!!

wordless wednesday

2010-04-28T08:50:00.000-06:00

some days i wish i had a boss

2010-04-21T15:16:00.002-06:00

i need someone supervising me, making sure i'm doing a good job with this little one. telling me when to take him to the doctor, what's wrong with him, why he has diaper rash, why his eye is gunky and he's coughing and snotty and cranky...... it's hard for me to spend the whole day being my own boss, making the decisions and hoping i'm doing what is best for him. i begin to doubt what i'm doing and how i'm doing it, worried i'm doing him a disservice or something that isn't the best for him. it's a life i'm in charge of now....it's intimidating

wordless wednesday

2010-04-21T15:15:00.002-06:00

dear levi: months 1-4

2010-04-08T21:16:00.000-06:00

my dear little monkey. you are the apple of my eye. i had no idea how much my life would change in the last four months. my life changed before you were even born, but it has changed so much more since then. you give me more joy, belly laughs and quiet tears in my eyes than anyone else. i could peek in your room and watch you sleep all day long. the twinkle in your eyes is so bright and innocent; your laughter is my new favorite sound. you are growing up too fast already, i want to slow you down. i love watching you figure things out, watching you watch your hands move, your face in a mirror, your feet kick around. you are learning and discovering every day and i love being with you to see it. however, i can't help but think about what your future holds. trying "real" food, rolling over, crawling, teething, walking, running, skinning your knees, jumping in mud puddles, talking, going to more baseball games with your daddy. i can't wait to watch you grow up and into the young man God has created you to be. my heart overflows with all the good things he has in store for you. just like the verse i painted over your crib, He knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." just as i've been watching you grow and mature over the past four months, i will continue to be there for you, every day. i will pick you up and snuggle you when you cry, i will wipe away your alligator tears, i will feed you, both the food that will nourish your body, as well as the food that will nourish your soul, i will hold your hand in public for as long as you'll let me, and always in my heart. you are a special little boy. i love you more than you know.

love, momma

catching up

2010-04-06T10:13:00.003-06:00

i wrote a whole bunch of nonsense, and it all deleted it..... i'll write a longer post this afternoon. now, here are some pictures from our trip :) enjoy

new mercies

2010-03-07T22:09:00.002-07:00

aye yi yi this was a long weekend!!!
most people are sad the weekend is ending and it's never long enough, but this one was so long and trying. levi is sick....stuff nose, (slightly adorable) cough, diaper rash up to his armpits (nearly), possibly a slight fever....and who knows what else is bothering him that he can't vocalize. and mat's out of town (at the GM conference, which means he got the promotion!! yay!). either of those situations would be difficult on their own, but put together and it makes for one sad mama. i shed more than a few tears today, for having to do this alone, for having a sick baby, for not knowing what he needs or why he won't nap or how to make his bum less rashy, for not having any good adult interaction since friday, for feeling like i'm drowning. it's been a long tough weekend, but as my little stuffy-lumpagus sleeps in his crib, and as i head off to bed, i'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning. and that He will refresh and re-energize me, give me stregth to face another day. and that the sooner i fall asleep, the faster that new morning will come.

nesting....again?

2010-03-03T15:47:00.004-07:00

i feel like i'm pregnant again. the power went out yesterday afternoon, and sadly enough....without tv or internet i was bored out of my mind. so i started cleaning. i scrubbed the kitchen counters, the stove, the microwave.......i also cleaned out some drawers and the utensil jar on the counter. which brings me to this picture:

seriously, how many utensils do i need? really, do i need eleventy spatulas? and nineteen scrapers? it was ridiculous. i thinned it way out, thank goodness. which, in a sentence, summarizes what has been going on here over the past few months. now that i'm spending a good chunk of my days at home, i'm realizing how much stuff we have everywhere. i don't think i ever throw a magazine away. or a wooden spoon. or spatula. or pair of old flip flops. or stained white shirt. i'm bringing two bags of magazines to the library tomorrow. i have 8 garbage bags of clothes, shoes, belts, purses to bring to platos closet. i'm starting a box (or seven) for a garage sale this summer. just trying to thin things out. get rid of the clothes that i don't wear anymore...the shoes that hurt my feet every time i wear them... the books i've read and won't read again....the things in the house that i don't really LOVE or that aren't enriching our lives. it's a slow process, done mostly during nap times, but it's really helping me see that i don't really need 22 sweatshirts and the back issues of SELF for the past three years. simplifying...refreshing

wordess wednesday

2010-03-03T15:46:00.003-07:00

thunder thighs

2010-02-26T14:50:00.005-07:00

i thought it was about time for another real post. i've been doing a lot of wordless wednesday's, simply because they are a quick and easy post, and because my little monkey is so stinking adorable. i know, i know, i'm a little biased, but i still think he's amazing. he's been sleeping for 11 hours at night, consistently for a couple weeks now. it's amazing. he goes down for the night at about 8, and then is up around 6:30 or 7. he's a rockstar. and bathtimes are going so much better, he loves his baths. about the only thing that ticks him off is getting dressed, especially if something is over his head. i try to jam his flailing little arms through the sleeves as quickly as i can.....as soon as it's all over, he's all smiles. i just love him and his chubby cheeks, double chin and thunder thighs. some days it just takes my breath away how much i love him. he's amazing.
staying at home has been really good. it's been hard work getting on a routine, more for me than for him it seems like. more often than not, the day.....or week....would go by and i'll wonder what i've gotten done. i wrote down (because i'm such a list person) a schedule of cleaning for the week, so that our house will be somewhat consistently clean.... other than that, i'm just relishing the opportunity that we have for me to be home with levi. we play and laugh and just have fun together.
we've also been trying to get out at least once a day, just to either run some errands, or to meet up with other kiddos or moms. we've been going to the new mom's group at the hospital, which has been good. this week it was about baby sign language, which was fun and interesting. definitely something we'll try to start with levi in a few months. we've also been going to storytime at the library with our neighbors. the storytime we've been going to is actually for older kids, but it's fun to go with melanie and her kids. sometimes levi sleeps the whole time, sometimes he's awake and just looks around. i try to sing along with the songs and do the motions with his little arms....that usually brings on the giggles. such a sweetheart. :)
i think he's awake from his nap...hopefully in time for a walk :)

wordless wednesday

2010-02-24T14:48:00.001-07:00

happy valentines day

2010-02-14T07:45:00.003-07:00

Happy Valentine's Day from my monkey. Levi and I were going to try to get to church, but we have about 5 inches of snow on the ground, and it's still snowing. So we are going to have another snuggly, pj snow day watching the Olympics, Daytona 500 and then Amazing Race. Nice lazy day with the two boys I love the most. Hope you all have a great day!

wordless wednesday

2010-02-10T17:31:00.002-07:00

wordless wednesday

2010-02-03T13:55:00.002-07:00

reflections on 8 weeks

2010-02-02T22:42:00.000-07:00

everyone tells you to prepare for tons more laundry when you have a baby. no one mentions that most of that laundry is YOURS that has been peed on, pooped on, spit up/thrown up/drooled on, other mystery fluids leaked on....
it's amazing how far through the day you can make it before you go.... "huh, i don't think i ate breakfast this morning"
as soon as you sit down to eat dinner, you will hear wailing from the babe
it will hurt to do anything for a while. i never really thought about it, especially considering what labor involves. maybe i was in denial, but i vastly underestimated how much pain i would be in and for how long i would ache. ouchie
about 18 trips up and down the stairs a day will become normal. as will juggling a crying baby, a bottle or two, a burp cloth, and maybe even a water bottle
eventually, making a bottle at 2am will become second nature.....something you can almost do with your eyes closed
the hospital will charge you for everything. would you like a prenatal vitamin? ka-ching $3.50 would you like a pain killer? ka-ching $3.00 would you like a microscopic tube of lanolin? ka-ching $42
a refound belly button and ability to wear a wedding ring is better than a nice piece of dark chocolate.
the body can function without caffiene.......just not very well
one grin, giggle, spit bubble or cuddle with him makes everything.....everything worth it. i never knew how empty my life was until he came into it.

6 weeks later

2010-01-25T21:53:00.004-07:00

we've had a visit from all the grandparents and two aunts, christmas with all of Mat's family, a trip to the zoo, aquarium, movie, 3 margaritas, Colorado Springs to meet levi's girlfriend, two trips into my ::old:: place of work, a couple trips to Mat's hotel, visiting santa.......it's been a busy 6 weeks that's for sure. here's a few pictures of the past weeks. i'll try to post a more "wordy" post soon..... lots going on in my head

Introducing

2009-12-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

Levi David Smith

After 34 hours of labor, 12+ hours of pitocin, very very low blood pressure, few hours of sleep, 2 cups of jello, one epidural, one failed vaccuum attempt......

Our 7 lb 11 oz 21 inch long little boy makes his appearance to a cold cold Denver. It was difficult and tiring and lasted forever, but it was also amazing. Can't believe how much I love this little boy already

coming soon

2009-12-05T18:25:00.002-07:00

despite what the ticker says on the side.... i'm actually 5 days overdue. buckwheat is stubborn and cozy and is still on the inside. we go into the doctor at 9 tomorrow night to start the eviction process, and we'll hopefully have our baby boy sometime monday. we'll update as soon as we can. pray for us this weekend, that we get everything done at home that we want to, tie up our loose ends, and sleep GOOD this last weekend before the baby. pray also for a safe and healthy delivery.
we can't wait to meet our baby boy!!

completed monkey paradise

2009-11-09T09:54:00.003-07:00

I was able to finish the baby's room this weekend, finally. I'm so glad to be done and have the room ready for him to be living in it. I think we just need to pack the hospital bag and get the car seats installed and we'll be fully ready for his arrival :) Can't believe my due date is 22 days away...... this 9 months really flew by, and we are beyond ready to have an outside baby!!!

Also, i'm not sure why these are all so little.....I even changed the setting to large and they were still tiny :( ENJOY

Here is the view from the door

(sorry these pictures are a little blurry, the camera is being stupid!)

changing table/dresser my mom and i put together. i want to make some labels for the baskets, but we need to fully decide what will be in each one, once we are "using" the table :)

floppy, the garage sale find of the summer. (one of his ears is floppy...thus the name :)

DIY mobile above the changing table

view of the crib. I can't quite decide how I feel about the lanterns above the crib, we'll see what hubby says when he gets home tonight :)

closer pic of the crib, and the DIY verse above

corner shelves

end table with the lamp and toy box underneath..... i'm sure this box will be outgrown soon!

close up of DIY blocks. i might put his name on this too, haven't decided yet.

ready to rock...and rock....and rock :)

(the two canvases on the wall were painted by Auntie Con)

DIY clock, customized hand and footprint frames, framed picture drawn by cousin Chloe

DIY monkey sign

exploding closet :)

DIY hooks behind the door, DIY canvas painted by Aunt Con (his name will go in the center, once he arrives), build-a-monkey and frame that says "my little monkey"

bookcase with his ever expanding collection of stories :)

peek-a-boo

refurbished end table before.......

.........and after.

perfect size for a few story books, some burp rags, a bottle of water for mom or dad.....

20 inches so far

2009-10-29T10:54:00.003-06:00

and it's still snowing. ::fingers crossed:: i'll be home from work early again today and i can post pictures. i just can't believe the rate at which the snow is STILL coming down....it's been snowing for over 24 hours. gotta love colorado.....in october.....

EDIT: here are some photos. 5:00 and still lightly snowing....

from our back porch.

poor scarecrow :(

my wonderful hubs clearing off my car riding on the way to work (hubs brought me the last two days!)

2009-10-20T12:51:00.003-06:00

won one of these, but the code expires at the end of the year. i wanted to put buckwheat's pictures in it, but i'm not sure i'll have enough time, energy and remember-y to get it done before it expires. any one have any ideas for what i could do? the two ideas i was thinking of was either a family book (pictures of the family so that he can learn them from far away) or an animal book, maybe animals to go with the alphabet?
i need some ideas!!!! HELP please!

good thing

2009-10-18T01:46:00.005-06:00

over the past couple weeks i've been super busy. not in a frantic, pulled-in-a-million-directions kind of busy, but just busy with things that i want to get done around the house. (none of which include cleaning yet....that'll come soon i hope!) it's a good thing to be wrapping things up, getting things done and finishing projects. here's a sampling of the stuff i've accomplished lately:

i made a memory game for the baby. i know, it's a few years premature, but i found these great stickers at HobLob, finally ordered some wood tiles and got them all put together. can't wait to play it with him! :)

baked baked and baked some more. a batch of lemony cream cheese cookies...

snickerdoodles in the oven...

a pan of blonde brownies (quality control got to them!) and a few loaves of banana bread...

9 loaves of banana bread (8 in the freezer) and 6 loaves of pumpkin bread. and, i'm sorry, but i'm being selfish with them. they are all in the freezer, awaiting this winter when we have guests...ready made breakfasts. and i'm not really sorry about not sharing.....i share pretty much everything else i make. i'm allowed to be a little selfish right now!!

....piles and piles of baby clothes....

all washed up and ready to go...smelling all...baby-ish...

and a batch of homemade pesto. we sampled some the other night, it's pretty dang delicious if i may say so myself.

so that's just a peek of what has been going on in our house lately...mostly in the kitchen :) a few more baby projects, including refinishing a great end table i found at a thrift store today (pictures to come!) and some more cooking i want to get done before he arrives.....in 6 weeks. i really love this nesting....i just hope it includes cleaning one of these days :)

WICKED friday

2009-10-16T14:32:00.004-06:00

tonight is finally the night...... we get to go see the musical Wicked tonight. we bought tickets forever ago, i think in april as soon as they went on sale. i'm so excited i can hardly stand it. i wish it was 8:00 already so that we could just see it. we are going with a girl from work and her daughter...it'll be a great time!! i don't think Mat know's what's in store for him..... he does love musicals though, but i'm not sure he knows that the book is SciFi.....we'll see how it goes. Regardless it'll be a great night. I think this may be our last "date night" before the baby....at least our last BIG EVENT before he comes. hopefully we'll have another one or two dates....depending on when he makes his appearance.

on the baby front, nothing new to report. we finished class 2 of 3 in our childbirth series, it was VERY interesting. i'm hoping to post a longer story about it this weekend. it was so interesting, gave me a lot to think about in regards to pain meds and labor. more on that to come. other than that, he's good. doctor appointment on the 6th, everything looks fine. he's pressing hard on my sides, running out of room, but he's still movin' and a groovin' in there.

46ish days left.

i should have started these sooner.....

2009-10-08T15:28:00.000-06:00

How far along? 32 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I think I've gained about 30 lbs..... not happy about that, but it's all for the little Buckwheat

Maternity clothes? Yupper. The pants are so much more comfortable....now the trick is finding long enough shirts and not stretching out my not-maternity things!

Stretch marks? not yet ::knocking on wood with fingers crossed::

Sleep: lately, pretty good ::knocking on wood with fingers crossed::

Best moment this week: feeling him have hiccups. so sweet. and starting our child birth class....hee hee hee hooooooooo

Movement: slowing down from earlier.... less kicking and punching and more fighting for room and stretching out

Food cravings: jello, mexican, crunchy things

Gender: boy

Labor Signs: i think i've had some braxton hicks, but nothing else

Belly Button in or out? in, but definitely getting less shallow, i doubt it will ever be a full fledged outie.

What I am looking forward to: having an [outside] baby!!!!!

Milestones: starting child birth class, getting closer to finishing the nursery, buying a stroller....these aren't really milestones, but they are big things that we worked on this week...

Olive Hope Polinder

2009-10-06T08:51:00.003-06:00

Olive was born in Thailand, two and a half months early. I know her parents Rusty and Lynette through YWAM Seattle from 2002. Please read the Facebook notes below written by her parents, chronicling her journey since the September 27th. The latest update is from the Insurance Company, saying they will not pay more than $10,000 USD for her care, which means she won't move down to a private hospital in Bangkok. Please keep praying: pray for a change of heart from the insurance company, pray for the doctors in Chiang Rai, that they can treat Olive even BETTER than the doctors in Bangkok, pray for little Olive, that she'll continue to fight and improve and be the miracle everyone knows she is. Just continue to pray.

**********
update on Olive Joy Polinder
Sunday, September 27, 2009 at 9:22am
Dear friends and family,
We have been overwhelmed by the prayers, love, and support we are feeling from all of you. We feel like we are on an emotional rollarcoaster....trying to hold on to hope for our little one, making decisions for her care, and then being moments from thinking we will have to say good-bye to her.
We named her together today after Rusty arrived...Olive Hope Polinder (2.8 lbs)...born at 28.5 weeks.
Today was rough. Started off encouraging. One important medicine that we were encouraged to get to her ASAP (surfactant for her little lungs that didn't have time to develop enough) was driven overnight from a friend of ours from Chiang Mai. She received her first dose at 1:00am last night and responded well, giving them the ability to decrease the level of oxygen she is on from 60% to 40%. This morning she had her second dose, and seemed to be responding well to that.
This afternoon around 2:00 I was getting discharged from the hospital and got a phone call to come as urgently as possible to the hospital she is at (about 10 minutes away) and said she wasn't doing well. We arrived to find out she had a pulmonary hemorrhage and they needed to draw my blood for a possible transfusion. Her heart rate was dropping, as well as her oxygen level. We sang to her, prayed over her, and cried that we wouldn't have to say good-bye before Rusty landed and met her. It took about 25 minutes for them to stabilize her with a new respirator. They had to then increase her oxygen level to 100%...which increases the risk of other complications.
Current complications she has...PDA (a little hole in her heart that hasn't closed). They gave her medication for this tonight that helps 80% of pre-term babies with this problem.She also has an enlarged heart...but they said with the last x-ray that it seems to be getting a little smaller.Possible Intraventricular hemorrhage (bleeding in her brain). This can only be confirmed by an ultrasound which has not been done yet...this is the Dr.s assumption by symptoms she is seeing.It seems like the pulmonary hemmorage has stopped and is looking better.The bleeding has made this little one anemic, so this evening she was starting on a blood transfusion this evening around 9 our time.
They are having a hard time stabilizing her. She is on 100% oxygen...which we want to be reduced as soon as her little body can handle it. We thought we were also going to lose her this evening around 6:30 when he O2 saturation levels dropped to 10%. They were able to give her some medication to bring it back up.
We are exhausted emotionally and physically. So glad to be together again. Pray that we will have the strength we need for the moments ahead and the ability to trust Jesus through all of this. Pray for sweet little Olive...that Jesus would work a miracle and breath life into her little body.
One top of all of this we are having insurance complications and unsure what will be covered...so please pray for that.
Much love, Lynette and Rusty

**********
September 29th update on Olive
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:31pm
Dear loved ones,
Yesterday was such a special day. We were both able to spend hours holding little Olive on our chests spending time talking to her and singing over her, We have been overwhelmed by the e-mails, phone calls, facebook messages, and visitors. We are being held up by the prayers of so many we know and love, and also by many who have heard the news who we don't even know personally.
Today has been like each day so far since little Olive Hope has arrived...filled with moments of joy, moments of fear, moments of uncertainty, sadness, hope and thankfulness.
This morning she had an ultrasound done to assess the level of intracranial hemorrhage that she had the other night. There are four levels--one being the least severe with little long term complications and four being the most serious and highest risk of long term complications. Olive had a level four intracranial hemorrhage. The doctors are telling us that if she makes it she will certainly have serious cognitive and motor damage..(mentally handicapped, cerebral palsy...and the list could go on). There is also a high risk of blindness due to the high concentrations of oxygen they have had to keep her on. She is also still anemic so she is getting blood transfusions. And this morning she was very jaundiced so we had to keep her under a photo-therapy light most of the day. Because of her brain damage she is no longer able to blink her little eyes. They remain open ALL the time unless we reach and blink them for her. They only have her on IV so far and say she can't have any breast milk until they hear bowel sounds. My milk has come in, so as of now I have been pumping and storing it in the freezer.
Our hearts are aching for this little one. We are willing and ready to care for a little girl with handicaps if Jesus chooses to give her to us. Part of us is also hoping and longing to see a miracle. Another part of us feels very afraid...of all the unknowns to come. She has had every possible complication and to the most severe level thus far...and yet there is something in me that keeps holding onto some sort of hope. And another part of me that doesn't want her little body to suffer any longer. Thoughts are going and coming in all directions.
We have been asked today if we want them to continue aggressive treatment measures, or if we would like to stop those treatments and simply let her go. Yesterday I thought we were feeling ready to let her go because of how much misery she was going through...and now we have been through two days of holding her and seeing her vital signs increase...and I'm not ready yet to let her go.
All this to say...decision making has felt difficult, but today has been a day when I am going to bed with hope for life for this little one...
And just enough strength to make it through this day by threads. And exhausted.
Jesus has indeed been drawing us closer and closer to Him through this journey...our only place to find any hope in this circumstance.
We can feel your love and support all around us.
Love, Lynette

**********
Carrie's prayer for Olive...(Carrie is my sister-in-law)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 12:39pm

Carrie sent me this prayer she has been praying over little Olive and I keep praying it over her little body all day...
"Olive Hope, The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)
"May the power and the blood of Jesus wash over your little body. Lord Jesus, I pray that you would surround Olive with the protective cushion of Your Spirit. I pray that you would wash healing all over her body, around her cells, through her organs, through her brain cells, renewing and restoring.
Lord, restore the damage that has been happened with bleeding. Take it away and replace it with cells that are new, that are uninjured. Protect her body from bleeding – keep her cells tight and whole and immune to damage.
Keep her from infection. Keep her vital signs stable. Protect her eyes. Protect her vision. I pray that her vision would be restored, and she will be able to look into the eyes of her mommy and see her.
Wrap this little being in your presence, around and around with protection, comfort, and healing. Let the power of your kingdom be evident in her tiny body. Jesus. Mend Olive. Make her whole. Restore and protect her. Let her hear her mommy and daddy’s voice even when they are not with her. Let her rest and heal.
Give Lynette and Rusty the strength and endurance they need. Give them words to pray, songs to sing. Hear the cries of our heart, Lord. Turn our tears into tears of rejoicing. Give Lynette and Rusty restorative sleep.
In the name of Jesus who died for us and brought us life and the light of your kingdom here on earth, Amen.

**********
October 30th update
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 1:27pm
Another day without much drama...which is exactly what we were needing today. I was able to catch up on being behind with sleep while Rusty, Bethany, and Jan stayed at the hospital with Olive. Rusty was able to hold her for an hour and sing with her.
I came in from 3 pm-1am and had time singing to her, holding her skin to skin, and praying over her.
Our BIG prayer request is that she would have bowel sounds so that they can begin giving her the milk and colostrum that I have been freezing. She has only been on an IV with dextrose and some other electrolytes and is soooo little and skinny. The Dr. says that there are many factors at the moment for why she has to be NPO (nothing by mouth), but the biggest fear is that if we give her nutrition before her gut is ready, she may get necrotizing enterocolitis (http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/digestive/nec.html).
Please pray that little Olive would be free of this complication. Please pray Carrie's prayer over her...that her damaged cells would be reversed and replaced with new healthy cells.
She is also still anemic, hyponatremic, and jaundiced. The Dr finally ordered her to be on eye drops and eye ointment to prevent her eyes from drying since she can't close them on her own.
Libby is spending the night with her at the hospital and my parents will arrive tomorrow morning.
We are so encouraged by the number of people praying for her. The support we feel from each of you has literally been lifting us up when we are at our lowest points.
Thank-you. love, Lynette

**********
Update and new prayer requests for Olive...
Sun at 5:28am
Dear friends and family,
We continue to be overwhelmed by the number of people praying for Olive and us during this time. I'm not sure if I have ever sensed Christ's body around the world coming together to pray for someone. Daily we are overwhelmed to tears while reading e-mails, prayers, poems, and words of encouragement from close friends and even strangers. We have churches praying for Olive all over the US, Canada, Nepal, Akha villages here in Thailand, the underground church in Vietnam, churches in Korea, churches on the Navajo reservation in New Mexico, England...and the list continues. Friends of mine who haven't prayed in months or years have been praying for her numerous times a day.
The week has been the biggest emotional rollarcoaster we have ever experienced. At the beginning of the week we were talking with the doctors about letting her go, for fear of her little body suffering so much...and then we saw answers to prayers and her condition improving little by little each day. She had every complication in the book, and yet her condition continues to stabilize. She is continuing to respond well to the colostrum, and today the doctor increased her intake to 1 cc/6 times a day. She had another stool today which is evidence that her little digestive system is working well. Her platelet count is normal, as well as her hematocrit and hemoglobin. Her bilirubin levels continue to drop. She has retained the ability to blink and close her eyes as she sleeps. Today they had her on room air for most of the day (21% oxygen)...and receiving 25% for part of the day, and her O2 blood saturation levels remained between 89-96% which is great news.
The current concern is that each day her head circumference continues to increase little by little. Tomorrow morning at 9:00 am (Sunday evening for those of you in the States) we have another ultrasound on her brain to assess the current state of swelling. How I understand it is that with the bleeding she experienced in her brain, her little head is compensating for that increase in space and expanding to reduce the pressure. After the ultrasound in the morning we will sit down to have a meeting with the brain surgeon, neonatologist, and another specialist. We will then talk about the next step in planning for her treatment...if the hospital here is adequate to care for her or if we will need to transfer her to another hospital in Chiang Mai, Bangkok, or the States if she is stable enough.
We are feeling anxious about the ultrasound in the morning, and would ask your prayers for us. Pray against infection for Olive as she is transported to the ultrasound room. We are in a hospital overwhelmed by patients over flowing into the hallways where we walk through to get to the ultrasound room.
We have grown to really love and respect the nurses caring for Olive. They have been so attentive to her needs, and we have much trust in their wisdom in caring for her. We have also grown to trust the doctor caring for her.
Culturally here in Thailand children with disabilities are looked down upon. I remember volunteering at an orphanage outside of Bangkok eight years ago and watching monks come and visit the hundreds of mentally handicapped children and tell them, "If you do better in this life, your next life will be better." Earlier this week our doctor, Thai friend, and two nurses sat us down for a meeting and asked if we wanted to go ahead and give Olive platelets that she needed and a new antibiotic, or if we would like to withhold the treatment and "let her go." They all encouraged us to "let her go" and withhold the treatment and said she would have about a week before her little body would shut down. They told us that if she survives and is handicapped and possibly blind it would be unfair to her. We cried a lot during that meeting, prayed, and went with our hearts....to continue treatment and commit to caring for her...unless we come to a point where we feel her little body can't undergo any more aggressive treatment.
We go through our days asking for more miracles...more healing of damaged cells, and quality of life for this little one.
Love, Lynette and Rusty

**********
Update from Ultrasound and CT Scan...

Yesterday at 10:21am
Dear friends and family,
We had a very intense day today and are feeling pretty drained. This morning Olive had an ultrasound of her brain to assess if there was any further bleeding, or an increase in fluid around the brain. The results showed that there has been no additional bleeding. However, the area with the bleeding has not absorbed back into the circulation of the brain causing an obstruction in the cerebral spinal fluid. This increase in fluid around the brain (hydrocephalus) is causing some pressure on the brain, as well as an increase in her head circumference. After the ultrasound this morning the brain surgeon decided to send Olive for a CT Scan of the brain to see more clearly what is going on. The CT scan confirmed what they had seen in the ultrasound.
The doctor told us that the treatment will be to place a temporary shunt/drain into her head to remove some of this fluid. He says there is a small chance that it could resolve on its own if her body would absorb the blood from the hemorrhage, but he suggested getting arrangements in place for surgery in case that becomes the only option. The good news is that because her head is so soft, and her fontanels haven't yet closed it will allow her head circumference to increase and make room for this fluid...and the brain surgeon said it is not an emergency surgery, but suggested within the next week or so we would take action.
Currently Olive has an infection in her blood, though she received antibiotics for it. We will wait to see the results of her CBC (Complete Blood Count) tomorrow to see if her WBC (white blood cell) count has gone down at all, which would show a decrease in infection in her body. Worries from the doctor about giving her this shunt are that she has such weak immune system, she is only 1.295 kg, and fears of using anesthesia for a pre-term 28 week old baby. There is of course an increase in the risk of infection with any surgery.
Good news for the day...her bilirubin levels have dropped and she is no longer under photo-therapy. She continues to do well on the colostrum and day by day they have been increasing her intake. Today she was only receiving 21-25% oxygen. Her heart rate and blood oxygen level remained stable all day. They have also changed the ventilator settings to make her use her little lungs more and she is adjusting well and making good progress.
Tomorrow we will be writing up reports of all of her treatments, diagnosis, and test results and making phone calls to doctors here in Thailand, as well as neonatologists and brain surgeons we have been recommended to contact by our friends and families in the States. We will then be trying to figure out where the best place for her treatment will be, and finding a neurosurgeon who has had experience placing shunts in pre-term babies...as well as finding anesthesiologists who have experience with pre-term babies. Pray for wisdom as we make these decisions.
We have also been trying to sort out lots of details with our insurance, so please pray for this as well.
We are so thankful to have my mom and dad here during this time and for all of the love and support they are giving us. Our dear friend Ghan also stayed with us all day helping us with translating during our meetings with the neonatologist and brain surgeon. Bethany and Libby have been so helpful in so many ways too. Sherry Palsrok is also here as a support which has meant a lot to us. I could keep going and mentioning those in this community who have been so thoughtful during this time but my list would get too long for tonight.
We want to thank so many of you who spent time in prayer for Olive this morning. We continue to ask Jesus to touch her little body...to fight against infection, and to protect her brain despite these complications. We also have been thankful for the good signs we are seeing with her respiratory system and digestive system. We continue to have hope for this little one...Much love, Lynette

**********
Rough day...please continue praying.
Today at 2:01am
Dear friends and family,
Each day we feel like Jesus has given us just enough strength to get through the day...today is a day where I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down with each new piece of news the doctors give us.
We arrived this morning to the hospital to find out that after a chest x-ray last night they found infiltrates in Olive's lungs, and they diagnosed her with pneumonia. She has also lost her bowel sounds and has been having quite a bit of gastric residual in her stomach so they have stopped giving her colostrum until her little digestive system starts up again.
Her WBC count has increased...most likely due to the infection in her lungs.
This morning we started making phone calls to our insurance company (Talent Trust Insurance) which is under Aetna and got a return phone call that they have looked over her information and talked on the phone with our neonatologist and brain surgeon. The insurance company thinks we need to move Olive to a private hospital in Bangkok ASAP, and both doctors agree that she is stable enough and would recommend this as well. They would pay for her to be flown with a medical team to this top children's hospital.
However, they are telling us that the cap for coverage for newborn care is 10,000 US dollars...which is RIDICULOUS. That will barely cover her for three days down there at this other hospital. We have been on the phone with insurance ALL day so far and Rusty is finally talking to the top supervisors who know all about our situation and will make a decision if she will be fully covered or not around 4 this afternoon. Our medivac team is on hold until we find out if she will be covered by insurance and if they tell us she is covered she will be transfered most likely tomorrow. If she is not covered we will be staying here at our current hospital.We are at the end of ourselves today...I'm so worried about the infections in her little body...and then to add the stress of a transfer...and an imminent surgery. Everything feels out of our own control.
We are waiting for an answer and praying for peace to surround us in the midst of this chaos and worry. We know Jesus has a plan...it has just been a day where trusting that plan feels more difficult. No matter the outcome we will continue to serve Him...the one who entrusted Olive to us as a gift.
Thank-you for your prayers. Love, Lynette

**********

Insurance issues...
Today at 3:10am
Dear friends and family,
I just got off the phone with Rusty. Insurance will only pay for the medivac team and not more than 10,000 US dollars above that. For now we will be staying at Chiang Rai Regional Hospital and looking into options. Feeling in shock about this insurance coverage. Can't even wrap my mind around the person who wrote that policy.
Love, Lynette

huh

2009-09-25T11:20:00.001-06:00

does this not make sense to anyone else? decrease your debt by taking out a personal loan? i saw this on our online banking and it just made me confused. that's all

ongoing projects

2009-09-16T14:57:00.002-06:00

i've been a busy bee lately, lots of ideas circling my head. i've been working on lots of things that will hopefully be great for me and for friends. thought i'd share some of my ideas, i'll share finished projects when they are done (depending how they turn out...) :)

working on this for a friends baby girl's nursery
a variation of this for my monkey's room
working on a few sets of these for everyone i know expecting a delivery from the stork
a variation of this, again for the monkey

i'm still looking for more ideas to really make this baby's room unique and special. i think once we get the ton of stuff from montana, and all the furniture, i'll take more creativity and figure out what is missing.

worth it all

2009-09-11T11:07:00.004-06:00

i'm trying really hard not to complain, but i have to vent a bit...... to get things off my chest. i take it back, not really complaining, but more observations about being pregnant.... here goes

there are ten chubby sausages where my toes used to be
i can no longer wear my wedding rings. last night i had to take it off and i thought my poor finger was going to explode. on the plus side, i just read this morning about women who had to have their ring cut off....at least it didn't get that bad!!
i barely got my toe nail polish removed before i realized how uncomfortable i was, stretching and struggling. i guess i get a pedicure this weekend!
i can't concentrate on anything for longer than 8 seconds......
.......what was i doing again?
very few things fit me anymore....and i don't want to spend much $$ on maternity clothes that i won't wear after december....
i can't remember a day i didn't look up cribs, diapers, or car seats online at least once
it takes me a month to get comfortable at night, only to wake up and either move downstairs or go to the bathroom.....

BUT, you know what? i wouldn't trade it for anything. every time this little monkey kicks, rolls, rattles, dances or punches inside of me, it still brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. i can't believe that i'm growing a little man....that i've been entrusted to grow and nurture this little life inside of me. really, the other stuff doesn't even matter. i'm over it. he's all worth it.

mama loves you, buckwheat

tomorrow

2009-08-07T12:35:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow is the day for HeavenFest. We went last year, and are looking forward to this year even more. We now know what to expect (lots of people, very dusty, hot, sunny, awesome!) and what to bring (contact solution and glasses, lunch, lawn chairs). It'll be great to hear what Buckwheat thinks of all the music; he's been moving and shaking like crazy lately. Mat's most excited to see Kutless, I'm excited to see them again, as well as Skillet again. It'll be a great time in the sunshine, with even more people than last year!

HERE WE GO!!!!

{giveaway madness}

2009-07-30T18:36:00.004-06:00

one of my favorite things about reading blogs from around the country is the unexpected giveaways. this country is full of generous, creative people who are always showing off their creativity and their friends. as you know, i heart etsy a ridiculous amount. through some random avenues, i found another amazing blog, full of creativity and love. fabulous-k is having an amazing giveaway this week, two giveaways per day! it's also some amazing free advertising for her friends and clients. for example, i found something i heart beyond a lot, that otherwise i wouldn't have found. case in point below, the vintage pearl. how sweet is this necklace. i love it so much. of course, i entered hers (and the other 8!!! so far) giveaways, but i just had to share this amazing find with all my friends. so lovely.

(i stole the picture from the vintage pearl's website, want to give credit!)

do yourself a flavor, and go to visit fabulous-k's blog, check out the other amazing goodies that are being offered this week. the diaper bags (how cute!!), sweet tutu's, delicious personalized stationery (sooo great!) i have a feeling many of these folks will be getting a share of my birthday money! :)

candlelight

2009-07-25T16:12:00.000-06:00

this week has turned out much differently than we thought it would. it was going to be a hectic week, with the ultrasound on monday, dentist appointments, eye doctor appointments, my final on wednesday.. just a jam-packed week. little did we know that we would have a microburst come through and knock over trees and knock out power for 36 hours. it was insane, the weather was scary, the aftermath was unbelieveable, the lack of power was inconvenient, the candlelight studying was a pain. however, we really are lucky; no trees fell on our house or cars, only minor damage to our cars and probably our roof (which is why we have insurance after all!) and both of us were safe and together. having no power for one night was a little boring for mat (as i was studying as much as i could before the sun went down) but it also gave us a chance to talk and walk and share better time together. so much of our life is hurry hurry hurry, that when we finally get home, we veg out in front of the tv. without tv, we had dinner at the table (even though it was delivered pizza!) and went for a walk in the greenbelt. it allowed us to slow down and relish the quiet there is without all the appliances and electronics buzzing.

it also got me thinking about the influence of candlelight. as soon as the power went out monday night, we got out flashlights and candles. as soon as i lit a candle, the light filled up the entire room. the far reaching power of light over dark is amazing, leading me to think more about how Jesus called us the light of the world. I am a light of the world!!! the rest of the passage is just as poigniant "16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." i have the potential to be like that candle we had to light so that we could see clearly; i have the capability to be the light for those around me to see more clearly the love that my heavenly Father has for them. if i don't live out that life, the life of the light of the world, then i am like the candle under the basket: ineffective. i pray that i will daily exhibit the light of the world, the light that i have inside of me, the light of Jesus Christ. i pray that in that way, i can bring light to the lives of those around me, the clarity, peace and faith that comes from Jesus. that is my prayer.

if you are interested, here are some photos of the storm:

downed trees on the greenbelt behind our house

my poor rose bush and flowers....shredded....

marble sized hail (yes, that is all hail behind him on the grass..)

eerie morning fog, with our neighbors downed tree

he is a HE.....

2009-07-20T18:02:00.005-06:00

just wanted to share some pictures from the ultrasound we had today. HE certianly wasn't shy, it took the ultrasound tech about 2.2 seconds to know for sure that he is HE. it was so good to see our baby again, to see him moving around (which he was doing a..l..o..t of today!) to see his heart beating, his spine and ribs and tootsies. it was so good for my heart to see him and know that he's developing healthily and happily :) i feel so blessed already, with a full heart.

i just can't wait for it to be december so that we can meet him and bring him home!!!

follow through

2009-07-15T10:04:00.003-06:00

as promised, here's a new blog post. i've been procrastinating and putting this off, not because i don't want to keep things updated, but because my accelerated A&P class i'm taking this summer is very demanding, and by the time i'm done with homework, it's time for bed. and it's about a million degrees in our upstairs, and the computer revolts when it's that hot... but, i'm seizing the moment and actually updating this, with photos.

i had some beautiful tulips bloom this spring, they were beautiful. they've since died, and are being moved this fall, so they are no longer there, but they sure brightened things up for a bit :)

this may, one of my best friends, Joy, a "very special friend" from YWAM got married. i was her maid of honor, and i helped with all the crafty stuff that she didn't want to have to deal with. :) she came out for our wedding and i made her be crafty, and she always vowed to get me back. well.....she did :) we did all the invitations, programs, favors, prayer cards.....it was a lot of work, but it was so much fun. i feel so blessed to be such a part of her and her new hubby's day, it was such a beautiful and special wedding. they have since moved to kentucky (russ is in the army) which was hard, but i know that that is where God wants them to be for this season. plus, almost 4 years of our friendship was long distance (montana to texas) so we know we can keep in touch and stay close despite the miles between us. plus, i told her she has to come back in the spring to meet the baby....so......

yupper, more news. mat and i are expecting a little bundle of joy, due to arrive december first. we found out the day before my parent's wedding anniversary, so we were able to share the news on the anniversary. it was so cool. we told mat's mom soon after, and we told mat's dad on his birthday. we went home for mother's day to break the news to the rest of our family and friends, which was great. we almost gave my grandma a heart attack, it was so funny (funny because she didn't have a heart attack....haha) we are set to find out on monday the gender, that way we can be that must more prepared for the baby's arrival (if it's even possible to be "prepared") in between classes and homework, i've been reading anything and everything, from what kind of crib or car seat to buy, to breast feeding how-to's, and everything in between. my head is going to explode.... yikes! :) i finish with class next wednesday. i plan on spending the first weekend doing big fat nothing, just relaxing and not thinking....getting a massage, maybe a pedicure, fun stuff. after that, we can dive into registering, painting the nursery, reading even more about preparing and life after baby, etc. i'm also looking for creative DIY decorating ideas (or websites) for the nursery. if you have any, please pass them along.

that's the biggest news of the past little while. i'm hoping once class is over, my free time will be oozing out everywhere (haha!) and i can keep this more up to date.... fingers are crossed on that one.

have no fear

2009-06-17T15:08:00.002-06:00

for anyone out there still reading this...... something new is coming soon. i promise.
have faith and hang in there

:)

16 random things about me

2009-01-23T17:30:00.003-07:00

waiting for mat to get home so we can go to the stock show. decided to take a cue from heather again and enlighten the wondering minds. or wandering minds... :)
1) i try really hard to be a vegetarian. but sometimes, it's easier to just eat meat. and sometimes (like tonight) i just really want a corn dog. what's wrong with me?
2) as much as i complained about working at borders, i really did love it.
3) i have no idea what i'm going to do when i finally finish with college. i think it's just a security blanket
4) i heart peanut butter. so much. i hope i don't get salmonella.
5) i have truly horrible time management skills.
6) my favorite color is purple, just like my momma.
7) my socks have bees on them right now. buzzzzzzz
8) i hate hate hate the way grateful is spelled. it looks like cheese grater. what's wrong with "greatful" ?????
9) i can't believe we've almost been married for 5 years. sometimes, i can't remember before marriage. it just skips from high school, to dts, to being married.
10) i can't ever decide what color i want my hair to be.
11) my etsy shop has had only one customer....my momma. that makes me sad...
12) songs get stuck in my head far too easily. today, at work brandy sang "say my name" for all of 5 seconds and....yup....it's in my head. drives me crazy!!
13) i can't handle not having painted toesies.
14) almost done..... i hate having people follow me up the stairs. esp mat. i always think he's going to scare me or smack my bootie or something. i either have to follow him or run up the stairs really quick like. which leads into number
15) i scare super easily. even during funny shows or movies things can scare me. riding in a car is torture. too sensitive i suppose. but i still love scary movies and shows. strange.
16) i drink iced tea almost every day. definitely every day in the summertime. so delish!
thanks for playing. :)

self portrait

2009-01-12T17:28:00.002-07:00

i like the idea of taking a self portrait every week. i don't know if it's something i can hold to, but so far it's been fun. since it's already three weeks into the new year, here are my three sp's so far for 2009

i was not looking the hottest a couple nights ago....... so i thought i'd do a foot shot. but i really love my toes. most people hate feet, but i like my bare piggies. i heart my tattoo, it reminds me of florida and my honeymoon with my wonderful hubs. i love my toe rings, bought in thailand. and my pink tootsies :)

kinda a scary pic, but it was really cold today. and we got about 6 inches of snow. hehe :)

some pics

2009-01-08T18:42:00.004-07:00

i couldn't figure out the pictures with my last post, so here are some from the weeks of christmas and new years. in no particular order.

mat and i playing guitar hero together. we played on one guitar, my sister on the other. level, expert.......she still beat us!!!con and mat playing guitar hero..... can you tell what he got for christmas? :)

katie, mat's sister, and wyatt...one of the twins :)
me and ashton about to open presents. he just learned how to whistle before they came out from california....the whole time they were out here, you could hear him whistling wherever he went......so cute!!!

chef jaidyn and ashton.

clockwise: wyatt with mom catherine, jaidyn, ashton, carson and willow using mat's guitar hero boxes as a racetrack for their cars.

chase strumming what he thought was a guitar.....it was a fishing pole! :)

mat with willow, the other twin. :) looks good holding a bebe, doesn't he? ;)

so there is our christmas in a few pictures. obviously lots of kiddos, presents, guitar hero and family. such a great time!! now, to watch football! :)

recap

2009-01-08T18:14:00.003-07:00

i only have a couple minutes to post: my uber fancy velveeta-salsa dip is microwaving. i know, i'm pretty fancy. i'm taking a cue from heather and summarizing my holidays in some lists.

gifts i gave:

* an uber nice wool peacoat to the hubs

* a multitude of gifts at thanksgiving time--i only shipped O-N-E gift this holiday season!

* christmas plates and cups for little kiddos

* everything covered with stars for my sister

* pricess walkie-talkies....how much cooler does it get?!?!

* a beautiful frame to my bestie....with some great pics of us from way back when

gifts i received:

* "sacred marriage" "sacred influence" and "sacred parenting" by gary thomas....excellent books!

* a beautiful sewing machine....that i can't figure out!

* music on my cell phone from my babes

* delightful scentsy warmer...it's amazing!

* two puffy warm vests. they are amazing!!

* a wonderful sinus infection from the 8 month old twins....well worth it! :)

who i met:

* mat's grandpa leon and his wife alice. been married almost five years and i've never met him. he's not nearly as angry and scary as everyone made him out to be!!

* great-aunt gladys (mat's grandma's sister) and her husband and daughter. it was great to meet them and spend time with them

* wyatt and willow, the afforementioned eight month old twins

* my dear friend joy's man, russ

traditions we held to:

* a real christmas tree, despite all of the needles i am still finding everywhere!

* eggs benedict for just the two of us on christmas morning

* gifts from santa

* christmas with mat's whole family on the 26th

* new years eve at mat's aunt and uncle's with prime rib and crab legs

* another year of not attending zoo lights

* watching elf

the past two weeks were insanely busy and hectic, with working so much and still spending so much time with the family. we made countless trips to boulder to see the family, plus a trip to cheyenne to see grandpa leon, but it was so worth it. i love mat's family, and it is so good to spend time with the kids and adults, catching up and laughing together. it's good for my heart. if i can't be around my family at christmas time, there is no other family i'd be with. they are amazing people, full of life and love and joy. it was an amazing time!

december so far...

2008-12-17T17:56:00.005-07:00

the reason for the season

christmas cards in the mail....which means real mail..not just bills!!

plates of cookies from our rockstar neighbors

lights on the house

snow and coldness

the favorite penguin ornament (you pull the cord and his arms and legs move. he even has little ear muffs on....he's the best!)the angel

lights on the tree

the tree and the smiths. kinda a cheeseball picture....but i guess we are just cheeseballs! :)

i have lots of thoughts in my head, lots going on, but little motivation. i have cookies to bake for our cookie exchange at work, cards to make for my co-workers, gingerbread houses to make, christmas lights to look at....and a husband to find (6:00 and still not home from work...) being done with school is a welcome relief, but as soon as the semester ends, i just lose motivation for anything. like it's go-go-go all semester and as soon as the semester ends, i dont' want to do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g..... and i'm not sleeping well again.... boo. however, i'm feeling a new aire of energy coming on. and if not, at least these pictures will hold you over until next time :)

my new 2nd favorite christmas song....

2008-12-17T17:34:00.001-07:00

can it be? another blog post??

2008-12-17T17:10:00.001-07:00

i'm shocked!!at the relient k/tobymac concert the night before we trekked to mt.... mat's... excited??
honestly....can't tell who this is. probably the relient k boys.....so awesome!!
three and a half of my most favorite people in montana!!

thanksgiving morning we ran a 5k. yup.....you heard right. a 5k. and i ran it in 4-0 minutes. forty minutes for my first ever 5k. pretty respectable, i thought.

here we are, refreshed and hungry after our cold run

playing uno thanksgiving afternoon. mat's in the zone..

mom relishing one of mat's few losses ever.... doesn't look like a poor loser, does he?

the next day was "christmas"... te amo mi familia that was our trip home for thanksgiving in a nutshell. we had a really good time. it was much more low-key than when we went home in august. we told less people and had a less-stressful time. but it was still a great vacation. spending time with the people who mean the most to us. mat got to go hunting with his dad (i chose not to post the pics of bambi on here... but he did shoot a nice young buck!) i spent lots of good time with my sister and my Rona. it was a refreshing and relaxing vacation. my heart is still full!

my new favorite treat

2008-10-26T09:34:00.003-06:00

cinnamon bears plus

chocolate equals

chocolate covered cinnamon bears.

so delicious. thanks for getting me hooked, adam :)

how cute!!!

day 15: finally...i am done!!

2008-10-20T23:52:00.000-06:00

well, i finally made it. today was not without it's bad money decisions, but i'm done being accountable for my spending (to someone other than hubby)... :) every week there is a broncos game, at work they have a pool, a grid more or less, that you can buy squares, then the squares are numbered, and a the end of each quarter of the broncos game, whoever's square matches the score wins $25. they still had 28 open squares this afternoon, so i thought i'd buy a few. who knows, maybe i'll get lucky. and i had my $10 for this week, courtesy of the husband. so i bought five squares. poor money decision. if the broncos had won, it might not have been so bad, but not only did they lose terribly, the didn't even lose according to the squares i had bought... :( so i'm out $5 for the week. i feel like it will be a long week. however, i have plenty to keep me busy this week. so that shouldn't be a problem. and, my darling friend joy was over tonight for our weekly dinner and bible study, so that made the pain of blowing half of my weekly budget in one fell swoop easier to handle :)

to sum up my past two weeks: i has been interesting. i have learned a lot about myself through the process of not spending, but when i think about it, i have even more questions i haven't begun to ask myself. why do i spend so incessantly in the first place? what am i avoiding by shopping (i know, usually it's homework, but there must be something else) by buying things secretly, by spending more than i know i should, by buying things i really don't need. i know that my gift is gifting people, but sometimes i wonder if i have a hidden motivation behind the gifts i give people and the motives and attitude behind my generosity. is it really generosity if we really might not be able to afford it? don't get me wrong, i'm honestly not putting things on credit cards and raking up huge debt....but sometimes, paying off the little debt we have, or putting into our savings is more important than buying something for someone, just because. reading in my sociology book tonight was interesting too, talking about the different social classes. what am i trying to portray by buying things and acquiring "stuff"? i really feel like i have learned a lot, about society and myself, through this whole project, but part of me thinks i have only hit the top of the iceberg. i have a lot of other things to work through. it's becoming more important to me to be a good steward of the money we have been entrusted with. and the huge-ness of that trust. and what that means for us in the future. thoughts spewing out everywhere. need time to process.

however, that being said, i'm very positive about this experience. i'm glad for the restored peace in my marriage (not that it was terrible before, it's just nice to be getting this area under control...) and i'm excited to see what the upcoming weeks have as i stay on this allowance/budget. it'll be a good, stretching time, just as these two weeks have been. thanks for hanging with me on this journey. give me a few days to process this all, but i'll be back!

day 14: the forbidden land of costco

2008-10-19T22:52:00.000-06:00

so today, after much thought and discussion, we decided to get a costco card. we went to church--for the first time in almost a month...terrible, i know--and after that ventured to costco. our first time through was a trial run. we saw mat's aunt geri and the kids at church, and they were headed to costco, so we went to the costco in superior, got our membership, and weaved through the aisles with geri, a four year old, and a three year old. practice on so many levels. we decided to head home and actually purchase things at the costcto closer to our house, so we kissed the kids and headed down to arvada. it was a good time. we spent, as mat said "too much money on nothing" but i think we did pretty good. we got a scale, which we've never had since we've been married. and with us both trying to get in better shape, it'll be nice to have a consistent place to weigh ourselves and keep track of things that way. we got abotu 7 lbs of fish (now in the freezer) some bread, some delicious fuze drinks for me, trail mix.... overall got some good things, i thought. it's definitely a place that we decided neither one of us is allowed to go to alone. i would buy anything and everything, and mat.....well, he would buy us a new huge flat screen tv. :) it's interesting what different people are attracted to in a situation like that, huh? so, anyway, after completely cheating and blowing my whole project at costco, we came home for a bit, then rode bikes to play tennis. neither one of us were very into it, but we had fun nonetheless. it's fun to just spend time together. we watched the amazing race, i did some homework, chatted with mom, and now i'm headed to bed. good sunday :)

on a side note, it was good to talk to my momma today. we talked about my project, about not spending money for two weeks and what it has done for me personally and for me and mat's savings, and our relationship. she was funny, asking me questions about what she had planned for her week "is getting your nails done a neccessity? is getting your hair done a neccessity?" i had to think about getting my hair done--neccessity or not? more importantly, is there a way to do it and save some money in the process? i usually color my own hair...or let my sister do it when we are home or she comes down here. i think that spending $100+ on a hair cut and color is ridiculous, and i'm pretty sure i'd be kicked out of our house if i did that... but i think that little things like that are neccessary, as i'm not even going to try to cut my own--or mat's--hair!! but, again, those are usually more planned expenses, rather than spur-of-the-moment, "sure, i'll get my hair cut" expenses. and this whole project was about deleting the thoughtless, spur of the moment, whatever spending that i have done so freely in the past. i don't know. if nothing else, it's been interesting talking to people about it, especially my mom. (hi mom!)

day 13: nearly there

2008-10-18T22:18:00.000-06:00

i didn't feel very good today, so i didn't feel like doing much of anything. i had high hopes of cleaning out the garage and being as productive as i was last week, but something didn't make me feel very good, so i was really lazy. i have to admit, i did spend some money though. i saw a really great recipe on tv, so i had to stop somewhere and get some avocado for that. and we are decorating our office like willy wonka for halloween, so wanted to rent the movie to "do some research" and poke around hobby lobby for some ideas. i tried to be good though. oh, there were so many things that, two weeks ago i wouldn't have given a second thought to buying impulsively, different decoration things i would have "needed" and just snatched right up. but i was refrained. i didn't even get anything card-making related in the clearance section. i decided that 1) i have more stuff already than i will use in a very long time and 2) that can be something i can spend birthday, christmas, or "extra" money on, and it'll be more fun to go when i have more to spend, guiltlessly :) That's my rationale.
i think overall i spent about $15 at target, blockbuster and hobby lobby which, given my past and how much i usually spend in those places without a thought, is amazing. the rest of the night was spent a the gym (i'm telling you, it has been my lifesaver for not spending--and i'm getting more in shape!) eating our delicious quinoa dish that i made with my avocado and watching willy wonka. even though i cheated, i still feel like i have come a long way over the past two weeks. so far, it's been a good experience. more to come as i wrap this thing up :)

day 12: old navy

2008-10-17T22:18:00.000-06:00

ok, i'm almost there. i was starving this morning, and....what do you know? some girls were ordering from deli-zone, so i spent $4 of my last $5 on a delicious breakfast sandwich. definitely worth it!! i had been thinking about saving it for later in the weekend, and maybe getting a yummy warm pumpkin spice chai or something equally delcious, but i was just too hungry this morning to wait!! it was delicious. made me think more about how easily i succumb to temptation so often, but also how our culture is so "instant gratification" ... i want what i want right NOW.... but more on that later.

mat took me out for lunch this afternoon....just to subway but it was equally delicious. although eating out twice in one day is definitely something that doesn't happen much at all, nor will it be happening anymore. through much discussion the past two weeks, we have decided to stick with the "allowance" ... but this time for both of us. we looked at our finances and how much we managed to save last week and decided that it was a great idea. so, he went to the bank this morning and brought me back a fresh crisp $20 for my two weeks allowance. it is kinda going to suck at first, knowing that now this is real and not just for my project, but i think overall it will be really good for me, and for both of us. it will force me to have better money management and force both of us to save more (although left to his own devices, mat would save pretty much every cent!)

all that being said, i did cheat tonight and it felt great! i had done some online CHRISTMAS shopping at old navy at work and was about to order everything that way (less temptation than in the real store) but they wouldn't let me use both my coupon and my free shipping. so i decided "this is dumb, why would i pay shipping when the store, is like 2 miles away" so i went to the store, got more things that i had picked out online.....and spent less $$!!! they had even better prices in the store than online, so i actually saved even more money by just going to the store. i managed to get the little shopping bug out of my system, and didn't even get anything for myself!! it definitely made me feel better, and i've got a jump on christmas, since we are doing half of it in november when we go home for thanksgiving.... i'm so happy!!!

day 11: tension headache

2008-10-16T15:55:00.002-06:00

today has been an ok day so far….. i haven’t felt very good. i have a super bad tension headache, which makes me cranky. and i did cheat. i went to target and got some excedrin tension headache….and a juice. shhh, don’t tell. i just felt like, i was going to be miserable for the rest of the day if i didn’t get something for my noggin, and i was at target and couldn’t resist the temptation of a delicious strawberry melon juice. however, i still only spend about $6, so i’m only technically over by $1, but i still have my $5 cash. maybe lunch tomorrow, we’ll see….

i think this week has been better than last week. i have slightly gotten out of the habit of wondering around target after work, which makes it easier to just go home after work and do my homework. and mat and i have been really good about going to the gym after work, which means i have between 30 and 50 minutes after work to get home and be ready, otherwise he’d rage on me (not really, he’d just make me feel guilty…. ) so i’ve been more motivated to go home, and then go to the gym. and it’s been good to go to the gym too… we are both getting healthier and saving more money. tonight i have an appointment at 5, hopefully i can still make it to the gym before it gets too late. and then the office is on tonight too, so it’ll be easy to spend the night at home. this weekend will be harder. it’s sad how everything that is “fun” to do with my friends costs money. i’ll probably just go home and do homework. cleaning out the garage is my project for saturday. there is plenty to do around the house, with my hands, that doesn’t cost money… hopefully the weekend isn’t too hard. i guess we shall see.

headache headache….go away!!

day 10: cheap gas and interesting discussions

2008-10-15T22:18:00.000-06:00

oh my word…..so, today, i kinda cheated. i had to get gas…..i was below empty. i knew it would be more than $10, but i still tried to get it as cheaply as i could. i decided to go to safeway, because i knew i had a fuel discount there. little did i know it was 20 cents off per gallon! and…even littler did i know, that gas at safeway was $2.99 per gallon. meaning i filled up my car for $2.79 a gallon. or $35 total!! it was amazing. even though i kind of cheated, i still feel good about the money i spent. it wasn’t frivolous or impulsively. it was well thought out and a necessity. and i bargain hunted! J

tonight mat and i were discussing getting a costco card, to cut down on needless, multiple trips to places like target, and to save a little money in the long run by stocking up on things (i think we decided to go for it…) and christmas, as we are doing half (with my family) of christmas early, at thanksgiving when we go home. i think it’ll stress me out to prepare for a week long trip, a-n-d getting christmas gifts a month early, but it will be good to get it out of the way. it will kind of stagger the expenses associated, sadly enough, with christmas. so, anyway, talking about all these things got us talking about this project and how i feel about it. so far, i feel really good about it. it’s been a little tough, just because i have to be more choosy about what i spend and when i spend it. and half of my allowance this week went to getting my boss flowers for bosses day (tomorrow) it kinda sucked, but it was nice to be able to get them for her, and i don’t feel like such a free loader and non-contributor…

anyway….. i digress. talking about my project lead us to decide to try and keep up with this whole allowance, limiting our spending, and such. we were able to put $200 back into our savings account this last week!!! i can’t believe it. and if we are able to save/pay down our credit cards that quickly, it’s all worth it. mat’s always been a huge saver, and i have always been a huge spender. however, i really want to get some things paid down or paid off before we have a bebe, and this is one really easy way to do it. we talked about, at the beginning of the month, going to the atm and getting out our $40 each, and that is our spending $$ for the week. we can each spend it how we see fit, but when it’s gone, it’s gone. or we can save it and get something bigger, but that is our “mad money” i think that it is a great idea. and really important to me. and…. (another and) if we do in fact decide to get a costco card…..we will for surely go together (can you imagine me getting out of control alone at a costco??? yikes!) and i think it will cut down on my multiple trips to target…one for shampoo, the next day for contact solution, the next day for…who knows what. that is my optimistic idea…time will tell…

the point of this project was the social change that can happen in making a lifestyle change. so far, the biggest change that has occurred is in my marriage. my coworkers know i’m not spending money, but it hasn’t inspired them, or anything like that. it has, however, made my husband happier. and that is the most important relationship i am a part of, so happiness there is pivotal. happiness there translates to overall happiness in my everyday life, which i am sure effects my coworkers. so far, this has been a really good experience. just a few days left. lets see how inspirational i can be! J

day 9: halloween

2008-10-14T22:32:00.000-06:00

today was interesting. i already had lunch, leftover chili i brought for lunch yesterday (but didn’t eat since i had my delicious, FREE queso and chips!!) so i had a good, warm, filling lunch. i did, however, spend my lunch break moseying around the halloween store with brandy. we both kind of need ideas for our work dress up, so we just walked around looking at all the interesting (read: who-er-ish) costumes they have there. in a stroke of brilliance (i’m not that brilliant to begin with….) i decided not to bring my wallet. brandy was driving, i wasn’t planning on buying anything, so there really wasn’t a point to it. just more temptation. we walked around, and i was amazed with the amount of money people spend on halloween. coming from someone who just started really getting into halloween a few years ago, it’s astounding how expensive even children’s costumes are. astounding. when, if people put their minds to it, it really wouldn’t be all that difficult to create most of the costumes we saw at the shop. i mean, if you look hard enough for a blue plaid dress, you too could be dorothy…..all without spending $50 on a costume which will only be worn once anyway. it’s just a testament to our “instant gratification” society….. lack of planning creates people, parents, who will spend anything to make their child or themselves happy, as if halloween snuck up on them. it’s on the same day every single year, people!! as is christmas. yet every year, how much money is spent impulsively on christmas eve, because of lack of planning and foresight. because what is going on now in ones life is more important than saving some money, exercising some creativity and…um…conservation? i don’t know. that’s my rant for the day

we went and worked out after work today. it was good to be running and working out again. and i didn’t feel so bad lazily lounging on the couch afterwards either. makes me feel less wasteful either. my money gets taken out of our account monthly, whether we go to the gym or not. it feels good to be taking advantage of something that i am paying for anyway….rather than just wasting that money too.

we are on the downward slope of the project. so far, so good. it’s been….surprisingly fun. (shhhh, don’t tell anyone i said that!)

day 8: half way there

2008-10-13T22:02:00.002-06:00

day eight. and to date, technically i've only spent $10.85 I did spend a good chunk of change at the grocery store, but i'm not counting that, because it was a neccessity, and not my frivilous, thoughtless spending that usually dominates our online bank statement. i think that i've done really good at budgeting my money, and saying no. brandy asked if i wanted to go to target with her at lunch....i thought about it....but said no. (homework has been a convenient excuse!) but seriously, i have gotten a lot more done these past two weeks during the week, leaving my weekends relatively free for other things....like baking..and candlemaking!! :)

my bonus, cheap, dutch move of the day though, came when brandy also told me she was going to qdoba for lunch. well....hold the phone just a minute!! i had a free chips and queso coupon that i had her bring along and redeem for me. oh, delicious queso-ness. it was great. another thing this week has taught me, something i lost after getting married and subsequently moving within delivery or driving range of pretty much any restaurant i want to go to.... the beauty and joy of a meal out. growing up, eating out was truly a treat, and not something that happened with any regularity. neither was hamburger helper, but that's a whole other story. we ate out...maybe once a month. i don't think it was because we couldn't afford it, but just because we lived so far away from town, my dad worked hard, long hours, and my mom was (is) an amazing cook. eating out was truly a treat. that is definitely something i lost the last few years. something i really want to gain back. rather than going to qdoba every other day (i really could go every day!) i want to go less often, and more often bring my own lunch. it's being healthier, and more economical. but it also makes the time we do go out to eat that much better and more special. not something expected, or "deserved" but something that is a treat. just an interesting thought i had today. (yes, while devouring my free chips and queso!!!)

day 7: sushi with hubs

2008-10-12T20:36:00.000-06:00

one week down one to go. today was a fine day. mat and i had the day off together, and, as usual we slept in.... missed church. i like to think if our church was closer we'd be better about going, but he doesn't agree. who knows? anyway, we slept in today, watched some episodes of the office....then finally got our fat duffs of the couch and went to the gym. it was a super cold day, and all i wanted to do was stay bundled up at home, but it was good to go to the gym.

speaking of the gym, it's funny where temptation creeps up. when i'm working out, i always read magazines, and 90% of them are perpetually advertising for something new, something flashy and pretty, something to make me run faster or be more disciplined (haha!) it's hard to not be tempted to earmark the page and check it out online...i mean, comon....check out these shoes. i'd definitely run faster in these babies! but then, it's all part of the mass media and their influence on the advertising, and therefore on my thinking. of course the spokespeople for these shoes can run fast and have six packs...they are professional athletes, or at very least, disciplined models who look like athletes... the commercials are geared towards suckers like myself, who think that with the latest shoes or shorts or whatever, i'll be more dedicated and work harder to get in shape....when in actuality, i'll still be lazy and neglect my gym membership...but just have new shiny shoes. it's taken a project like this, and a class like sociology, to realize the pull the media really has on people like me, the influence advertising and magazines "reviewing" the latest products has to get me to be unsatisfied with what i already have, and buy even more things....

all that being said, i had a really good day. after the gym, we went out to aurora to visit some friends we hadn't seen in a long time. it was good to just sit and chat with them, catch up on life and everything. good afternoon. we stopped for sushi on the way home, it was a very good dinner together, out of the house, enjoying eachother company. we came home, i am planning on jumping into bed and working through my bible study from the snuggly warmth of my bed. it was a really good day....and technically i didn't spend a dime!

day 6: simple pleasures

2008-10-11T22:18:00.005-06:00

so, today was a good day. i discovered the joy of producing things with my hands rather than wasting time watching tv or wondering aimlessly around colorado mills. i went to the grocery store, which was slightly tempting, but i think i did pretty good. i did spend a lot there, but pretty much on neccessities. i didn't even make a detour to starbucks when i got to the store...aren't you proud of me?

i decided to spend the afternoon baking and candle-making (as i mentioned last night) and it was a lot of fun. i made 5 big loaves and 3 small loaves of banana bread, 4 big loaves and 3 small loaves of pumpkin bread, a crock pot full of chili, two candles, wrapped three presents to be distributed tomorrow, and did a little fall-ish decorating. it was a very productive, yet relaxing day. i got a lot done, and i don't feel like the day was wasted at all. sometimes i peruse the library's time management books, but this week, not spending and shopping has given me more time. sounds simple, the less time i spend wasting at target or colorado mills...buying things i don't remotely need, the more time i have to do homework or take care of the house...you know, all the things i stress out about doing any other week. funny how that works.

i have to admit, i did do some online shopping today, mostly for mat's christmas present. but, i didn't get anything...i'm going to wait for a sale!

tomorrow will be a good day. we get to spend the day together, which is always nice, but i won't have homework to be done nagging me in the back of my mind. we are going to church, maybe lunch with some friends, mat needs some new khakis for work, then we are heading out to aurora to see some friends we haven't seen in a while, and then some other friends from montana who are out here to bring the baby to childrens hospital. and, since we have bread coming out of our ears, we will be bestowing it upon all of those people....hehe. it was a really good day today, i feel very refreshed and recharged after having such a productive day. :)

...one week down, one to go...

day 5: cheater cheater? food for thought...

2008-10-10T19:57:00.003-06:00

ok, i admit.....i cheated slightly.

i promised [you-know-who] i would write about it... but i cheated by 80 cents. i wanted a candy bar, so i took some change from our jar at home. mat called me a "cheater cheater pumpkin eater".... i can't decide how i feel about it...did i really cheat? i think i kinda did. i mean, the whole idea is to not spend on impulsive, silly things i don't really "need"....but, comon, it's 80 cents. man, my twix sure was good.

today after work was a struggle for me. fridays are usually when i detour to target after work. mat usually works late, so there is no one to come home to, nothing (but homework) to do, so usually i mosey around target for a while. not today, my friends. i came straight home. i talked to mat for a while, and i've been doing homework ever since. it was hard to not stop by target for "things we need" but i think it would have been a slippery slope. and i don't want to fail. even when mat said i should go get myself something nice for getting an A(!!!!!!) on my sociology test, i didn't fall for the bait. it's important to me to finish this project and not give into the silly temptation to buy stupid things and indulge myself materialistically. i think i'm going to relax tonight, try to fall asleep on the couch, and tomorrow i'm going to do some baking and candle making (all that is left is butchering...get it? haha...) i am going to go to the grocery store, but i don't see that as cheating per se. if i can stick to the list.

so far, this has been an interesting project. overhearing some coworkers say "oh my gosh, those are so cute, i just want to go over there and buy some!" made me think about how strong our need for instant gratification can be. by our i mean...women? americans? young adults without kids? any of the above. it's hard to delay gratification and fall behind the "keeping up with the joneses" theory so many of us feel the pressure to maintain. for me not rushing out and impuslively buying things this week has given me a new appreciation for all the plentiful things i do have. i have a (nearly) fully stocked pantry--why am i eating out all the time? i have an overflowing closet--why do i feel the need to keep buying new clothes and shoes? i have shelves of unread books downstairs--why would i buy another one, simply because i like the author or the cover is pretty? i have a beautiful, rich, warm, love-filled home--why do i need to buy more "things" to make it look pretty or make me look "stylish" (i'm at a loss for words on this one...do you know what feelings i'm refering to?) i am honestly overwhelemed with all the blessings i have; the fact that i keep feeling the need to buy more things is embarassing and shocking...and saddening a little bit.

i joyfully wrote a check for $18 for our compassion child's christmas gift the other day. i'm not saying this in any way to toot our horns or anything like that. i'm saying that to highlight this point--how would children (or "gracious" "mature" adults for that matter) react to recieving a gift worth (only) $18 for christmas--and that was your only christmas gift. to be honest, it would be really hard for me to be greatful with a new dvd as my only christmas gift. but this is all our little guy will probably get this christmas. and you know what.... he will, without a doubt, be floored by it. seriously puts some things in perpective for me. seriously.

day 4: ten dollars well spent

2008-10-09T21:44:00.000-06:00

so today was the day that some coworkers and i were to go out for lunch. thai lunch. we had been talking about it for weeks. first, when i started this whole project, they offered to buy me lunch and i could pay them back after my project.....which, i decided, rather defeated the purpose. i decided to either share with brandy, or just use my $10 wisely and go anyway. i couldn't miss out on thai iced tea....i had been thinking about it all week.

so, i went, and it really was amazing. i had soup for lunch...and my delicious thai iced tea. it was everything i hoped it would be and more. and i think that, since i hadn't had starbucks or anything else "extravagant" in the mornings all week, it was that much better. i'm beginning to understand the idea of a "treat" rather than just something i deserve. i'm also realizing that, just because my funds are limited, i can still have a good time.

i truly had a good time today with friends. something, honestly, i haven't experienced as much in colorado as i'd like. these moments have been few and far between, but the fact that they all wanted me to join them so much, that they were willing to lend me money, really meant a lot to me. even though it would have only been 10 or 12 bucks, the fact that these people wanted my company, and wanted me to experience a delicious new restaurant with them spoke volumes to me. and the fact that, through my careful budgeting, i was able to experience it with them is really meaningful to me. i know these are pretty profound thoughts for just a silly lunch, it was a profound lunch for me. i really take for granted our monetary situation, and the fact that, this week, i spent all my money for the week on one lunch is a big deal. but this project is teaching me to prioritize my money and really think about my purchases, rather than just blindly spend. so far, only four days in, this has been a really educational process.

i'm off to t-r-y and get some sleep....must be something about not spending money that is preventing me from sleeping well....haha!

day 3: are you kidding me?

2008-10-08T17:36:00.003-06:00

i was so good this morning after my dentist appointment, i didn't even give starbucks a second thought (despite not sleeping well again last night...) i think it was the clean feeling of my teeth that i thoroughly enjoyed....and, side note, that i have no cavities..

this afternoon some women from work were mumbling about getting dairy queen....oh how i wanted a blizzard, or even just a dilly bar...but knowing that most of my money is already allocated for the week, i refused. fran even offered to pay for me, and i politely declined. i am proud of myself and my willpower. i might even lose some weight doing this whole project! :)

then.....i get home....and look what was in the mailbox. comon--are you kidding me?? pottery barn, crate and barrel (in my defense, that came a couple days ago, but i just now looked through it this afternoon) and a coupon for free bath & body works?? and yes, it touts things to help you sleep.... come on. for real? you can't make this stuff up people. i just don't understand it.

i think we are going to go to the gym now....i'll drool over the pottery barn stuff whilst i burn the calories from the pear i had, rather than my dairy queen. please understand i'm not at all bitter...i'm actually happy with myself. i'm realizing how quickly i usually fritter away our money. as mat put it yesterday "nickel and diming" it away. i really do. it's amazing how quickly a coffee today and a blizzard tomorrow can add up, and then i wonder why i always feel like we have no money. i am really learning about myself through this project, and how materialistic i can be.... even now looking at pottery barn, i want this desk so bad for my card-making stuff, when i have a perfectly good area already established downstairs, which did not cost me $$1,099 plus shipping and tax. interesting thoughts flowing through my head. i guess i'll just start working on a christmas list :)

day two: i'd like a starbucks

2008-10-07T22:39:00.002-06:00

today was a little more difficult. i didn't sleep well again last night, and my ever-encouraging husband rolled over this morning and said "just leave for work early and stop at starbucks".... thank you darling. it was hard to not stop for a piping hot mocha. but, of course i remembered my project...and the fact that we have coffee at work...and the fact that i really shouldn't drink coffee anyway. i caved only slightly and had some coffee at work, but it was free.

other than my sleep deprived morning the day was pretty typical. i did homework at lunch and ate the lunch i packed. i went straight home after work, kept my blinders on, and didn't make a detour to target. although, i know the week will only get harder.....i am usually pretty focused and motivated at the beginning of the week...and as it progresses, i lose motivation and just want to peruse target. i'm going to have mat mail some things for me, because the post office i go to is right next to big lots....and they have killer scrapbooking supplies...and tons of other useless things that i "need". so far in this project i'm already seeing a pattern in needs and "needs".... it'll be interesting to see my insightfulness grow as the project progresses.

tomorrow morning i have a dentist appointment. i'm fairly sure it'll be more than my allotted $10, but i made the appointment a couple weeks ago, and since it's been over 2 years since my last dentist visit, i figure it's a legitimate need. i'm a little scared though...as it is literally next door to a starbucks. must...stay....strong.

question....does it defeat the purpose to let my friends buy me lunch on thursday so that i can still go with them? especially if i will then owe them? i can't decide....oh i want thai food though. thoughts??

personal change project--day 1

2008-10-06T21:28:00.003-06:00

so for my sociology class, i have to do a personal change project. what is that, you might wonder? to quote my syllabus "to make a personal change in your lifestyle for two weeks. if we can make a change, no matter how small, in ourselves, then it is possible that we can effect positive change in the larger social world. a great deal of sociology is done to foster change in larger society, but making a change in ourselves is the first step."

it took me a few days to decide what to do... several of my choices were put in a hat by my coworkers and, at first "do something new every day" was drawn. after allowing them most of the morning this morning to think of my "new thing" for today, i decided it would be too hard to think of 14 different "new things" to do. so i changed it to "spend no money needlessly" i decided that that is an area of my life i definitely need to curb, plus mat has no faith in me. so..i'll show him! i'm limiting myself to $10 cash for each week, and after that, i'm done spending. i have to journal about it every day, so i thought...what better way to journal than on my blog, to share it with...whoever is reading this. :)

so far today, i haven't spent any money. i guess in all fairness, i've only been "not spending" for 12 hours or so. i haven't even gotten my allowance. and mat did take me out for lunch. but i'm interested to see the change--no more going to target after work to avoid homework. no more online shopping. no more buying stupid things that we don't need, just because it's on sale or pretty looking. i say "no more" but really i'll likely only make it the two weeks and then have a list of things i'll want to buy. but this should prove to be an interesting two weeks. i already took all my credit cards out of my wallet. i kept my debit card just..in case. it should be an interesting two weeks.

i was talking to one of my coworkers about it, telling her i was thinking about limiting myself to just $10, and she said "i can spend that in, like, 30 seconds... that's hardly two starbucks!!!" i said "that's kinda the point!" we'll see how i hold up. thanks for coming along for the journey. i'll try not to disappoint :)

i found this article on msn money today. it's a little old, but the idea is still the same. and i think this is the message board relating to it....interesting to hear how much $$ people saved by not spending for an entire month. and considering our savings seems to be at 0--what with a major plumbing issue, buying a new truck, and subsequently paying sales taxes on said new truck--our savings could definitely use a boost! and here is a fun blog i ran across...she does a month of not spending every summer. definitely inspirational!! thanks for bearing with me. any encouragement is welcome....stay tuned!

colorado springs

2008-10-06T21:08:00.006-06:00

last weekend we had some (new) friends over from church to play games. thought i would share the yumminess that was that afternoon. i made a bunch of snackies and we played trivial pursuit--pop culture edition. it was a really fun weekend with some new friends. it will definitely be a regular occurrence on sunday afternoons at the smith house!!!

saturday we went down to colorado springs to spend the weekend with our friends, tyler and nicole. nicole is one of mat's really good friends from high school, and her husband is a tennis coach at the air force academy. they just moved down to colorado springs this summer, and it was high time we get down there to see them!! we tailgated with them and went to the football game. it was a lot of fun. after the game, we went to the golden bee, a piano bar in colorado springs. it was so much fun--i would have photos, but my camera battery died :( however, it was a g-r-e-a-t night with good friends. we are so glad to have them living closer!! yesterday we caught up with shilo at the outlet mall and spent a little time with her too. it's good to make new friends, but it's also great to have old friends living closer. it was such a fun weekend!!

(arg...these photos are driving me crazy...sorry they are so schizophrenic!!)

catching up part two

2008-10-02T18:51:00.006-06:00

my parents and sister came out for a long weekend over labor day....it was great. we went up to estes park for a day. walked around, looked in the shops.... found out my father is a guy fiere look alike.....scary!!! but so funny!! we laughed so hard in that store!!!con almost couldn't ride the go-karts!!

and then she hung out with obama after the dnc...

the rockies game went into extra innings....we had a mini photo shoot!!

super shi moved down to colorado springs this summer...and she came up and spent the day with me a couple weeks ago. we had a good calzone-y lunch at old chicago and went to a rockies game. seats weren't originally where i wanted them to be, but we had a really good time....it's so good to have her living closer!!!
it as a good & fruity time!! haha! (do not be decieved...they are not good, just fruity!)
!!!danger warning!!!
that's right, two people to a step!! (pssst....we didn't hold the hand rail either!!)
military appreciation day at the rockies

sad day....last home rockies game of the season! :( as you can see, we spent a fair amount of our time at coors field. it was a great summer, lots of baseball, a weeklong trip home, my family came out to visit, some friends moved closer...all in all, it was a good summer. thanks for sticking with me during the sporadic posts... :)

oh yeah....almost forgot. mat got a new truck. we test drove it when we were home, and bought it from danhof. my parents hauled it down with them when they came. pretty sweet ride...with, yes...plenty of room for car seats :)

just in case

2008-09-25T18:40:00.001-06:00

in case y'all aren't as obsessed as we are an didn't know.... the office premieres tonight. it is going to be a good night in the smith house. jim and pam are back...i'm making delish fish cakes...i bought reese's peanut butter cups...it'll be good. enjoy :)

getting caught up, a photo tour..

2008-09-25T18:03:00.005-06:00

so here is my attempt to make up for lost time....through photos. i'll post a meatier post soon, i promise. for now, these pics will have to doit just looks strange with colorado plates on it!!!
hands down the coolest violin player ever.... he's with the band Skillet, at Heavenfest. we went to this festival....three days before we left for montana. it was great!!
the beauty, and dustiness, that was Heavenfest
my bffaeaeae, cryssy , the night before she was cinderella..yes, cinderella
just in case you didn't know.... part of the sweet pea parade we went to while we were home.

some of my former coworkers in the parade

there she is....as cinderella, with her prince charming!!mat and i with his mom and sister, katiekrista, crystal, bonnie and i--friends from...what, grade school?!?! so good to catch up with them at crystals wedding!!that's right, the smith's getting down!!i miss this silly girl....yes, that is a mouthful of chocolate cake!!!the whole family, minus my dad and my cousin, brittany. what a crazy bunch!! loves!my cousin... more like my brother, with his little ladybug, briannethe week involved lots and lots of mean uno....so much fun!!

me and my rona, together again....

stay tuned for part two (any maybe part three......)

wow

2008-08-24T12:24:00.002-06:00

who knew so many people (relatively speaking) would be so intrigued by my big surprise.... well, here it is.... i have finally opened my own etsy shop with my cards. i know, compared with having a baby this is tiny news, but it's something i'm really excited about. i've been thinking about doing this for a long time, and since my week wasn't busy enough...since my life in general isn't busy enough... i decided to just go for it and see what happens. so, here is the link to my beautiful new shop: carlysuesmith.etsy.com come see what i have to offer, give me tips and advice.... i welcome all feedback. i'm really excited about this and really want to make it a success. thanks in advance for all your support!!

i'm so glad that the past week is over. it was a long week. we found out we had a crack in our main sewer line, so on wednesday, the floor in our laundry room was torn up and all those pipes were replaced. it was a huge headache, made worse by the fact that....1) the rec center was closed, so we couldn't even go over there for a shower and 2) almost all the hotel rooms were sold out for DNC, making employee rate rooms nonexistant. and our good friend shawn was out here visiting, which made me feel terrible that "hi, you can stay with us, but you can't take a shower, or run any water, and we are going to eat out pretty much the entire time you are out here, since we can't do dishes or laundry...." it was just a super long week, but we finally got everything worked out, and spent all day yesterday cleaning the house and getting things back to normal. i think we probably did 6 loads of laundry yesterday, and probably have another 4 to do today....will it never end?!?!?!

school starts tomorrow too.... i need some major time management help. i'm taking three classes..... hopefully i don't go completely crazy. i'm taking a nutrition class, a biology class and a sociology class. looks like so far it'll just be a ton of reading, which i don't mind. i just hope i'll have the time to devote to mat, my cards, and our slowly blossoming social life. i'm sure things will work out.... there is just always that early semester stress. it'll be fine. just need to power through.

mat just woke up (he worked overnight again last night) and made me french toast... time to dig in.
happy shopping!! can't wait to hear your feedback!!!

something big...something exciting

2008-08-18T21:29:00.003-06:00

something big is in the works. please bear with me. it's been a busy couple weeks...a week of vacation....four nights of mat working audit...two weekends of plumbing issues.....family coming in a week....school starting in a week.... be patient. i'll have big news soon. i promise.
thanks y'all

(ok, i tried uploading a pic of us in montana, and it didn't work...something about internal errors... so now you really have to stay tuned...)

montana here we come

2008-07-30T18:20:00.002-06:00

just putting the finishing touches on my montana playlist, packing enough books for the plane ride, remembering to pack pajamas..... we are leaving for montana momentarily... and i am so excited..... we get to see my family, mat's family, my darling rona.... and lots of other friends and family. it'll be a busy week, but a good one. just wanted to bid y'all adieu (however you spell that) and i'll post a ton of pictures next week when we are back.
adios!

note to self

2008-07-18T18:03:00.003-06:00

When sending a birthday gift.....or any gift for that matter, in july....... don't send chocolate.....
while i totally love chocolate in all it's forms, varieties and colors..... the presentation of this is a little.....lacking. no fun chocolate seashells or sea horses as originally intended... just chocolate blobs. dont' get me wrong, we are still partaking in the deliciousness. it is just a little messier. my darling cryssy sent me this deliciousness for my birthday. now our freezer is fully stocked of all sorts of abstract chocolate shapes, just waiting to be devoured.

yum!!

also, in a stroke of inspiration from sarah, i have finally done something with the blank wall by our dining room table. i personally think it turned out beautifully.

i'm very proud of myself for my little spark of creativity. i got some papers at hobby lobby, got that darling little "no place like home" sign at hallmark (75% off!!! how could i pass that up?!?!) and got the mirror for a $5 steal at target. i love it. it makes the room appear so much bigger too. it's great.

so, i got another promotion at work and started shifting into that this week. i am now an asset specialist, which means i work more closely with agents and brokers and the properties getting them ready for market. so far, i'm very overwhelmed, but that's to be expected. most of the week i was doing my old position (contract prepping) full time, while trying to stay caught up with the tasks for my new position (the girl who was in it quit suddenly on monday...) and train the temp who is taking my place. it was a hectic week, but i think the change is for the better. i think i'll get a raise, and it's always good to be advancing and learning new things and being challenged. this one will definitely challenge me to be making decisions better, making phone calls and not letting broker intimidate me. we'll see how it goes!

our house is still a million degrees, nothing seems to help. i think i have convinced mat to get our a/c unit out of the garage and put it in our bedroom so we can sleep in our bed as opposed to the basement guest bed, where we've been sleeping for the past week. call me crazy, i just prefer sleeping in our own bedroom. hopefully we can get that up and running this weekend and make it more bearable upstairs.

we are leaving in 11 days for montana....i can't hardly wait. i am so excited to see mysha and my family and mat's family...... i just can't wait. it'll be a busy week, but so worth it. we'll get to see my cousins, my cousins' baby (who is 1 1/2....hardly a baby anymore!!!) it'll be great. i'm really looking forward to it. plus, what a great break from work. i'll be in my new position for 2 1/2 weeks and then leave for a week..... i'll feel bad for all the people who'll have to cover for me, but it'll be well deserved break! but, before that, we are going to heavenfest.....mat finally decided he could take saturday the 26th off, even tho we leave on the 30th for montana. i'm so so so so excited to go!! can't effing wait!!

can't get enough of:
thunderstorms (i think there is one brewing right as we speak!)
neon pink toenails
reading for pleasure....until august 25th at least!
the fresh prince of bel-air
confetti

birthday

2008-07-10T07:34:00.006-06:00

thirty two ounces of coffee.... does it get much better than that?!?!

flowers from my momma, daddy and sister

this was my desk when i came in on monday afternoon. crazy confetti, strawberry shortcake doll, pinwheels, balloons...the whole nine yards.

birthday explosion!!

yes, my husband got me a princess cake. jaidyn had an amazing pricess/castle birthday cake extravaganza, which totally made me crazy jealous. so mat, being the amazing husband he is, gave in to my childish desires and got me my very own princess cake. he's the best!

loving right now:

my crocs primas, from my hubby. they are amazing!!

reese's pieces and dark chocolate m&m's....yum!

summer...... i am mostly appreciative of this because i just registered for classes for fall semester....start august 25th. trying to grasp onto every bit of summer i have left...

The new clintons cd, "Have Another" from my sis-in-law katie....such a great cd. i love it. it makes me smile.