debbie downer

i'm having a rough mommy day. there are a lot of variables contributing, not really sure any one of them warrants the cranky feeling i'm having. but all combined, they are bringing me to the edge. ok, not really the edge.....but i'm still .... just .... blah. i feel like i'm in over my head with this toddler i have. for the first time, he pulled something breakable off a shelf at hancock fabrics today. and it broke. and the cashier wouldn't let me pay for it. i said "i'm so sorry" and she said "i know you are" i'm not sure if she was being sarcastic or not, but i felt judged for having a wild child running around laughing. i felt really judged. the worst part was that i didn't know...really....how to handle it. obviously i wanted to/tried to pay for the broken little knickky-knack. but as for levi, i didn't know how to handle it. i told him that was not ok, but what else should i have done? when do you start spanking? what warrants a spanking? how do you discipline an (almost) 18 month old wild child who is too curious to pay attention to you for more than 5 seconds? i know these questions are so different for every parent, i just really feel like i need some guidance. i feel so impatient. i feel like i'm losing my temper with him too quickly. i don't want to be the mom who yells.....i just don't feel like he listens to me. he's starting to pitch little fits....involving kicking, screaming and writhing on the floor, simply when i ask him to get out of the fridge. how did he get so old so fast?

on top of all this feeling inadequate and judged....... we have water in our basement :( and none of our babysitters are available on saturday to watch levi so we can go out for our anniversary (which is FINE. i understand they have their own lives..... just bummed) and i feel sick. it's probably the weather, but it's a vicious cycle. i feel gross cuz i can't go outside and play, but i can't go outside and play cuz the weather is bad. so i feel sick :( like i said, each of these on their own is really no big deal. when they all culminate at once, they are sucky :(

and then the little monster falls asleep like this, even before lunch. apparently running wild and breaking things takes it's toll on you. this makes me smile, even when i want to pull my hair out.

what an arm!

i'm sad how long it's been since i've updated this thing. i got sick, then healthy, then sick again. mat's taken three business trips, my sister came to visit, levi's been sick for almost a month and we took a vacation to seattle (levi and i met mat out there on the tale end of one business trip). it's been a whirlwind few weeks, and now the littlest smith has an ear infection, cold virus, faucet for a nose and a wicked cough. but he's still fun. and he still offers kisses......which i readily accept even when there is snot in them. all too soon, the day will come that he won't want to kiss his mama anymore.
his newest thing is chucking EVERYTHING. he walks up to me with a toy. i cringe, worrying he's going to throw it in my face. he sucked down a sippy cup of water at hobby lobby today, and promptly rocketed it to the lady standing behind us in line. then he smiled. little stinker.
our vacation was amazing. it was our first not-montana vacation in 3 years (i think)......our first 3 member family vacation EVER. we spent thursday through tuesday in seattle, staying on lake union. we rode the elevator, watched the sea planes land from our room, ate lots of seafood, walked a lot and cuddled in our king size bed. levi did good, all except for the first night. but don't we all cry and wail in our first night in a strange hotel bed? we visited family, met lots of new friends, saw some dear old friends, took a trip up the space needle, to the children's museum, the waterfront.....it was excellent. we have lots and lots of pictures, i'll put them in the next post. i'm a lucky lady, with some great friends and two boys in my life whom i love very very much.
blessed.

here's a link to the vacation pictures. hope it works!