debbie downer

i'm having a rough mommy day. there are a lot of variables contributing, not really sure any one of them warrants the cranky feeling i'm having. but all combined, they are bringing me to the edge. ok, not really the edge.....but i'm still .... just .... blah. i feel like i'm in over my head with this toddler i have. for the first time, he pulled something breakable off a shelf at hancock fabrics today. and it broke. and the cashier wouldn't let me pay for it. i said "i'm so sorry" and she said "i know you are" i'm not sure if she was being sarcastic or not, but i felt judged for having a wild child running around laughing. i felt really judged. the worst part was that i didn't know...really....how to handle it. obviously i wanted to/tried to pay for the broken little knickky-knack. but as for levi, i didn't know how to handle it. i told him that was not ok, but what else should i have done? when do you start spanking? what warrants a spanking? how do you discipline an (almost) 18 month old wild child who is too curious to pay attention to you for more than 5 seconds? i know these questions are so different for every parent, i just really feel like i need some guidance. i feel so impatient. i feel like i'm losing my temper with him too quickly. i don't want to be the mom who yells.....i just don't feel like he listens to me. he's starting to pitch little fits....involving kicking, screaming and writhing on the floor, simply when i ask him to get out of the fridge. how did he get so old so fast?

on top of all this feeling inadequate and judged....... we have water in our basement :( and none of our babysitters are available on saturday to watch levi so we can go out for our anniversary (which is FINE. i understand they have their own lives..... just bummed) and i feel sick. it's probably the weather, but it's a vicious cycle. i feel gross cuz i can't go outside and play, but i can't go outside and play cuz the weather is bad. so i feel sick :( like i said, each of these on their own is really no big deal. when they all culminate at once, they are sucky :(

and then the little monster falls asleep like this, even before lunch. apparently running wild and breaking things takes it's toll on you. this makes me smile, even when i want to pull my hair out.

stop chewing on aunt katie

for some reason there are tons of school pictures of aunt katie floaing around our basement, and levi loves carrying her around with him :) and he's getting more teeth, so everything is going in the mouth again. and he's a slobber monster. and he's napping in the morning again. these teeth are really taking a lot out of him. poor goober. other than his mouth hurting, he's doing great. we survived mat being gone for 5 days in indianapolis, now we are looking forward to our seattle trip next month. :) levi has lots of new friends to meet in seattle, and we have lots of family time to look forward to! and aunt connie is visiting between now and then! yay! i'm reading a lot in this great book called "you matter more than you think" and it's really stretching me. i'm trying to get better about doing a devotional, thoughtful, just-me reading every day, but not beating myself up when it doesn't happen every day. i want to work on being more real in this blog, putting more of myself out there and seeing what i get back. trying to be a better wife, a more diligent mom, a more thoughtful friend, a more intentional child of God, a more genuine person all around. lots of growing and tugging and work, but it'll be worth it in the end. i've also been working out more, or at least trying to....and it's an interesting parallel to my relationship with Jesus. both are hard work, but both are SO worth the hard work, one obviously more so than the other. but if i make time for the crazies on my work out dvds, who don't know me from adam......why not more so should i make time for the lover of my soul?

new mercies

aye yi yi this was a long weekend!!!
most people are sad the weekend is ending and it's never long enough, but this one was so long and trying. levi is sick....stuff nose, (slightly adorable) cough, diaper rash up to his armpits (nearly), possibly a slight fever....and who knows what else is bothering him that he can't vocalize. and mat's out of town (at the GM conference, which means he got the promotion!! yay!). either of those situations would be difficult on their own, but put together and it makes for one sad mama. i shed more than a few tears today, for having to do this alone, for having a sick baby, for not knowing what he needs or why he won't nap or how to make his bum less rashy, for not having any good adult interaction since friday, for feeling like i'm drowning. it's been a long tough weekend, but as my little stuffy-lumpagus sleeps in his crib, and as i head off to bed, i'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning. and that He will refresh and re-energize me, give me stregth to face another day. and that the sooner i fall asleep, the faster that new morning will come.