from the inside out

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

********************

this is an amazing song that we began singing a few weeks ago at church. i wrote down snippets of the song all over my program. i've been meaning to share it with y'all for a while now, just kept being busy with finals and christmas and all that. however, this song brought me to tears today as i was watching coverage of the memorial service held for the two YWAM staffers killed in arvada on sunday. since arvada is a mere fifteen minutes from our house, this story has been getting a lot of coverage this week. i first learned of the first shooting in church on sunday, when our pastor alluded to it in his sermon, something about life not being fair, i think. it initially went in one ear and out the other, as it was more a side comment and we didn't watch the news that night. however, when checking in on some blogs i read on monday morning, i learned that, not only did two shootings occur, both in arvada and colorado springs, but the one in arvada was at a YWAM dorm. since then, i have been keeping one eye on FoxNews, and my heart has been in constant prayers for everyone touched by this tragedy.
today, i clicked over to local news to find them doing a story on the memorial service for tiffany and philip. i wish i could find a link to share it with you, they did such a nice job (other than calling them y-yammers....) this song was the one playing in the background and it made me cry, sob even. it was so bittersweet to see their families and friends sobbing in grief, yet they all knew that tiffany and philip are now in heaven with their father. bittersweet is the best way to describe it. even the newscasters, with their unknown, seemingly indifferent manner of conveying this news story knew that these were great people who really did a great deal to make this world a better place. your light will shine when all else fades.

********************

Lord,
be with tiffany and philip's families in this difficult time. hold them within the shadow of your wings, comfort them as only you can. God, be with the rest of ywam denver during this difficult time of returning to the scene of this terrible tragedy, guide their healing process a long. give them strength as they leave for ourtreach in the next couple days, God. let them bring the mission and purpose of tiffany and phillip to the nations they are traveling to. God, just be close to them in this time of immense grief, yet rejoicing that they are home with you. be with them also as they deal with the forgiveness to be shown to matthew, arm them with your grace and forgiveness. be also with everyone at new life church in colorado springs, comfort them with your arms and hold them close to you. God, thank you for your comfort, for drying our tears and healing our hurts.
selah

frantic

two weeks of the semester left, i'm in crazy mode (aren't i always?!) however, my english prof made the rest of our assignments for the semester optional, with extra credit available, which takes some of the pressure off, but i could really use the extra credit, so the pressure is still on. but, if i bomb, at least my grade doesn't drop any more.....
montana was great. we saw so many people and had such a wonderful time. some highlights include:
my cousin, chloe sitting on my lap all during dinner out with the family.
my cousin, tommy, sitting on my lap period... he's at that age...
meeting my sister's boyfriend for the fleeting moment i did. he seems like a good guy.
watching the guy pee in front of our parking spot before going out with the girls.
seeing mysha.
spazmatic cryssy.
spending the night chasing shi-to-the-lo around bozeman. crazy girl.
first thanksgiving with mat's mom and sister, my parents, grandparents, sister, and the zegens.
watching tila tequila with the zegens?
seeing the zegens....!!!
all in all it was a good, busy long weekend. i'll post pictures after finals, i promise. i have to go make dinner now.... mat and i actually get to eat together tonite!! at a normal hour!! wahoo!

montana

heading out for montana tomorrow after work. i am so psyched.

a few of the planned highlights (in no particular order)
* seeing the zegens

* clintons concert

* wine with my girls

* seeing the whole family

* meeting my sisters boyfriend

* sushi with katie

* fake thanksgiving with mat's mom

* maybe going to journey church

i'll write more, and maybe even post pictures, when we get back

adios!

enough

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You're the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

some new pictures

thought i'd give you a peek into our lives as of late.... halloween and a couple other goofy ones.

fantastic punkin cake

at the msu game in greeley
me, sable and lauren, fellow ipt-ers at borders
lauren testing the "real-ness" of my hair
goofing around at the toy store.
--love the smiths

five weeks left

that's all i have to say about that
five weeks of the semester left

hot chocolate

I made hot chocolate tonight. Nothing exciting, it is cold out. However, one sip of this non-conventional, made with milk, hot cocoa made me remember Grandma Hannah. It tasted exactly the same as it used to when we visited her on Sundays. When my family still went to Bethel, we went to Grandma Hannah's apartment every Sunday after church and had hot cocoa and orange slices. Icebox cookies if we were lucky. I really miss those days. We would chat with Grandpa and Grandma, Uncle Pete and Aunt Bonnie, and anyone else who would stop by. The more the merrier in her little place. It was great.
The hot cocoa tonight made me warm in more than one way.

lately

"there is nothing i am missing. i have everything i was supposed to have to experience the magnitude of this story, to dance wtih God." --don miller, through painted deserts

1 corinthians 7:29, the message
"i do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. there is no time to waste, so don't complicate your lives unnecessarily. keep it simple -- in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. even in ordinary things -- your daily routines of shopping, and so on. deal as sparingly as possible wtih the things the world thrusts on you. this world as you see it is on it's way out."

i need to simplify things. i need to slow down and enjoy the dance i am in with God. i need to simplify, get rid of, purge my life of things i don't need. not only in my "life", meaningless activities and time suckers. but also in my house, material things i thought i needed once and never really did. i have too much stuff, and i never seem to stop buying. and it's got to stop. my life and my heart and my house are becoming cluttered with so much "stuff" that i can't hardly see the light, the goodness, the simplicity that is sitting with God and soaking him in. reading and reflecting on that book really got me thinking of things i can do to ramp it down, step back and get rid of. i feel like i can't ever have enough stuff. i am beginning to think that my heart needs work too. do i have a greatful heart? am i truly thankful for the blessings we have: good jobs, a roof over our heads, groceries in the pantry, cars to drive, clothes to wear? or am i too caught up with the need to buy new things, have new clothes to take the tags off of, new shampoo, new card making things, a new book, new shoes? what is my heart: blessed, or greedy?

and what is my motivation for buying so much for other people? i know that one of my love languages is gifts, how i show i love people is by blessing them with things. but that's just it... they are just things. and is it really generosity that spurs me to buy things to send to my friends? is it truly a selfless, thoughtfull spirit? or is it a prideful, showing off, doing it for the thanks spirit? have i been hiding behind my "love language"; is it just another excuse to go shopping and buy more things?

what does simplicity look like? what does simplicity feel like? are my activities helping me love God more fully and bring more glory to him? what needs to change? "...i keep thinking about it, and how much i walk around with, about how life is a dance and God just meant for us to enjoy life...... it just seems like life would be better if we could just let go of the thought we need more and more stuff to be happy, more and more of the approval of others...." --don miller

thoughts

"Everybody has to change or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons. I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, becuase a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently."
I just started reading another book by Don Miller, called "Through Painted Deserts" Lately I haven't been reading much nonfiction. I take that back.... I've been reading lots of nonfiction in the way of my psychology and english textbooks. Before school started, I was reading lots of fiction and lots about WW2. I haven't read a good, make me think, stir in my heart book for a while. I need to be reading something to help in those areas, to make me think about things other than works cited and neurons and stuff like that. My heart needs some major stirring, some introspection and some challenge. I have become lazy and apathetic about my faith lately. Too busy with school, too busy relaxing from school, too busy spending time with Mat. Not that any of those things are bad, I just need to work harder at growing, changing. I need to work on time management, so that I can more effectively be a wife, student, employee, and still spend time with God and my heart.
I have also started going to a Bible Study on Mondays. I was so excited that our church was starting a women's Bibles Study, and then when it was on my day off so I could attend, I got even more excited. We are studying a Beth Moore book called "When Godly People do Ungodly Things" I think it will be very challenging and stretching for me. And I'm also looking forward to becoming more involved in our church (which is huge....) and getting to know other Women of Faith. I am really looking forward to what God has for me in this study, with this group of women, in this church, in this time of my life.

Hebrews 10:24-25
"Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together as some people do, but encourage and warn each other especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near."

nearly half way there

i finally got my letter from front range's transcript office. they finally got my official transcript from msu and transferred all my credits. i have 22 of 60 credits complete. and, knock on wood, if i pass my two classes this semester, i'll have 28, i'll be almost half way to my associate of arts degree. it's been slow going, but it's good to be able to check some classes off my required classes checklist and see where i'm at. i still have a lot in front of me, but i'm very encouraged with this letter.

tales from the synaptic gap

i never really know what to blog about once i start being more regular about it. it's easy when you only blog once every three months, then there is so much to update. but, now, everything up to date, i just want to stay in this routine of blogging. i'm sure i'll think of something.
i had my first psych test this weekend. i got an 80 on it. not too excited about that. mat keeps reminding me it's a B, but that isn't the good thing he says it is. it's good that we can drop our worst test grade this semester. it just means i'll have to work harder and study more. just what i have time for. one of my supervisors was asking me about school, psych especially. he knows how stressed out i am with school and all that, and i guess he was talking to his wife about it. she's going to be a neurologist, super smarty-pants, and she offered to tutor me for free in psych if i ever need the help. after taking my test, i think i might take her up on it! we'll see. i just don't feel like i understand any of it. we'll see if it gets easier or not. nice to know i have that option.
my parents came a couple weeks ago, over labor day, and i realized i probably didn't blog about their visit. it was a strange visit, it just seemed really strained. we rode back from the rockies game, and no one hardly said anything. if you know my family at all you know how unusual that is. the didn't ask about my school, they hardly asked about me being fired, it was just really strange and strained. like i had to keep thinking of things to ask them so there wouldn't be awkward silence. it really bothered me, i don't know what was wrong. i was a little disappointed too, after looking forward to their trip, it fell a little short of my expectations. bummer.
i decided to do the beth moore study. our church has a list on it, like craigslist, called flatironslist. i saw on there there was a beth moore bible study to be starting next week, and i have been thinking about going since then. i have decided to go. i think it'll be good for me to get out of the house on monday (my day off i usually spend studying) and meet some new women from our church. it'll be good for my heart too. really good. i'm really hoping there are some good young women in it that i can maybe make friends with. that is the hardest thing about moving. i wish it were easier for me to make new friends. the thing that's really hanging me up is that i know i don't want new friends, i want my old friends here. but, i just have to get over that and make the effort to make some new friends. it'll make me happier in the long run.

all i need

We have all we need in You
And all we need is You
All we need is You

Rich or poor God I want You more
Than anything that glitters in this world
Be my all, all consuming fire

You can have all my hands can hold
My heart, mind, strength and soul
Be my all, all consuming fire

All we need, all we need, all we need is You
All we need, all we need, all we need is You

conversation between me and one of my supervisors after work

shannon: "carly, i just want you to know i'm really glad you are back working here again."

me: "thanks. i still don't know how i feel about being back working here again, but that's just personal stuff."

shannon: "yeah, i know. that's why i wanted you to know i'm really glad you are back."

me: "thanks. it's nice to be somewhere i am appreciated."

shannon: "and you are. you are appreciated a lot here. at least by me!"

needless to say, that totally made my day. nice to hear nice things at work for a change, as opposed to getting in trouble for talking too much..... oh my word

on the bright side, here are the flowers my amazing rona sent me last weekend.....wait, last week. she couldn't have a drink with me, so she sent me the next best thing! i have the most amazing friend. she's awesome blossom, extra awesome......

luff you rona!

unemployed

so, i no longer have a job i hate. correction.... i no longer work at the doctors office. two fridays ago, i was fired. luckily, i had borders to fall back on. and to think, i was about to quit borders so that i only had one job. but, i guess the doctors office made that decision for me. i'm still really angry and frustrated, pissed off at the doctors office and their decision, frustrated because i don't want to be back at borders. i'm frustrated, but trying to be greatful that i at least have a job so that we can continue to pay the bills and, you know, live on our own. i'm trying to look for a new job, i just don't really want to. i want to wallow, to feel sorry for myself, to have a pity party, to just be angry and cry. and it's been two weeks. when will i get over this?

kids church

kids church was amazing tonight. usually, it's ok. the last few weeks, it's been hard because we've only had two adult leaders with thirty or so little kindergardeners and first graders running around. two of us trying to corrall thirty munchkins with endless energy. but tonight, we had six leaders with thirty new kindergarden and first graders, a much better ratio. it was much easier and less stressful. it was fun, i laughed so much tonight. tonight we promoted the kids, so there were new kindergardeners, new to our room. they were insane, totally hyper and off the wall. i set up don't break the ice no less than 50 times, only to have four crazy boys knock all the ice out in 2.2 seconds....... it was hysterical. and tonight in big group, it was so funny. we sang "your love is deep", which is, of course a slow and quiet song. but, over all the music and all the other little kidlets singing, you could hear one little guy yelling "your love is DEEP, your love is HIGH, your love is LONG, your love is WIDE" he was so excited to be singing that song.... so cute!! it was so much fun, such a good night. i'm sad that i probably won't be doing it for the next couple weeks..... if only they were all like tonight was! i am starting school on monday, and i'm still working at borders on saturdays, which leaves only a few hours to do homework, so i need to have a few weeks to guage how much free time i'll have. i hope i can spare a couple hours to keep doing kids church..... i love those little ones!!

i heart summer

ok mysha, you win. i will finally update my blog....... i wish i was better at this, i love journaling and talking to my friends...... which this fulfills both of those. however, i can't manage to keep up with this silly thing. oh well, better late than never. lots has changed since i last wrote here, so...... drum roll please. above is a picture of my wonderfully exciting birthday party.... yup, all three of the guests in attendance and myself.... wow, huh? it was fun tho, hanging out with my good friends. joy (the one with the funny look on her face...haha) took me out, andy and moe met us there. we had a lot of fun. a friend from my new job and her boyfriend came for a bit too, but mostly it was just the four of us. it was a fun night though.

oh yeah, my new job...... about that. i now work at a doctors office, it's ok. i really don't like it, but i'm trying to make the best of it. it's a strange office to work in, but there are a couple girls i really like, i get along with well, and get in trouble for talking too much to them almost every day. i feel like my boss is out to get me..... i can't do anything right. but, lets not dwell on my terrible job, because i'm going back to school!!

yay, school starts on monday. i am taking two classes online from front range community college, english and psychology classes. i am very excited to be going back to school and getting that much closer to my goal of being a counselor. i have a long long long long long way to go, but i'm at least working at getting closer every day i'm in school. that's a little mantra among me and a couple medical assistants at the drs office. they are also going to school, so for us, one day over is another day closer to our career goals, and one day closer to not having to work there......... wow, i sound terribly depressing about my job...... well....

here is a darling picture of mat and i on our wonderful vacation to tennessee. i know, it was forever ago but, hey, better late than never. it's my motto, esp with blogger..... we are at a place called rock city (google me!) at a scenic overlook where you can see seven states...... it was so beautiful. how do you like mat's western shirt..... nice, huh? this was at the rehearsal dinner, western themed..... perfect, huh?!? :) we had such a good week, hanging out with friends from high school, being there for joel and tay's wedding, and then being able to spend our anniversary in nashville. it was so relaxing and nice to spend the time together. especially considering how much time we won't be spending together coming up soon, with me working full time and taking two classes, and mat's promotion....

he's now the guest service manager at the townplace suites by mariott in broomfield co. it's amazing. he's finally in the position he's worked hard to be in, but he also knows where he want to be in one, five, ten years. and the company he's working for is a good company to have a career in, long term, lots of room for advancement. he really likes the company and he's working on beefing up his front desk staff so he won't have to work 17 hours days, seven days a week. yeah, i'm serious. but, it's ok. i know he has to put the time in sometime, and i'd rather he do it now than when we have kids and a family. plus, when he's working, i can actually update my blog..... :)

to close, here are some of the highlights of the summer:

• seeing jeremy camp in nashville
• "the soup" with joel mchale (i heart him)
• finding out rachel, a new friend from the afforementioned dr. office, hearts joel mchale as much as i do
• seeing tim mcgraw and faith hill with katie (they sang "chasing cars" as their first song, I got goosebumps!)
• any time spent with mat, preferrably in nashville
• sushi
  seeing bebo norman and jars of clay and joy williams and mercy me and third day in denver with my hubby
• appletinis with joy-toy







• mysha's up coming visit to see our place (wink wink)
• shilo and rachel having a sleepover with us, if only for a night, if only to listen to a cheesy cover band singing "sweet caroline"
• dinner with bjorn last night
• paying off my car!!!! (soon to happen!)
• my sisters visit, complete with spending all her money the first day, and scoring a great "broomfield singles" sign for her apartment
• getting another piercing with katie
• spending time with crazy jaidyn and carson





• baking 9 loaves of zucchini bread with rachel
• ipt..... enough said
• hanging out with these kids in tennessee

it's been a long time... long time

it's been so long since i've been able to sit down and update this mama-jama. not living with grandma has it's draw backs, the pertinant one being no more internet access in our house. now we have to go down to the clubhouse of our apartment complex to use the internet, and they are only open until six, and there are usually people waiting to use the computer. but, i realized the the time has come to at least give a teaser as to what's going on with me, with extremely high hopes of updating this again in the next few days.... we'll see. i should really type something up on our laptop and then open it on this computer, that'll cut out some time..... we'll see what happens with that.

life in colorado is good. busy, but good. i'm searching for a new job, not having much luck. i'm looking for something ministry oriented, having a hard time getting any leads. but, i just need to be more diligent and know that the right thing will come along at the right time. we just got back (wednesday night) from our vacation in tennessee, it was amazing. mat's best friend from high school, the best man in our wedding, got married in chattanooga. so we went down there for the big day, and extended our trip a few days to spend our anniversary in nashville. it was so much fun, nice and relaxing, warm and sunny. now it's just getting back into the routine of work and life here, but it's going well. mat's sister is going to be living with us this summer, so i've been trying to get our guest room in order, finish unpacking (yes, unpacking from two months ago when we moved in..... arg). we bought her a futon today to sleep on this summer, getting sheets tomorrow. it'll be fun to get to know her better and spend time with her. she goes to school in missoula, montana, and decided to move down here for the summer. it'll be a good time.

mat's coaching baseball, it's going well. they are tied for first place in their age group, qualified for state. and, he's thinking about coaching another team at the end of the summer. looks like there is no end in sight for the baseball and travelling and coaching. but, all is good. he loves it, i love watching (and the occasional night at home by myself!) so it's fun. he'll probably move to part time at the hotel to take on coaching these two teams, which means i really need to kick it into gear to find a new job!! (which is what i'm supposed to be doing right now...... focus carly!) i better start looking. we have a bbq at mat's aunt and uncles tonight, so i better do some hunting and then get ready to go hang out with the kidlets. i'll post more soon, i promise. i'll even ::shock:: try to put pictures of our trip up!! (if i can figure it out, we'll see)

have a great memorial day weekend. don't get too sunburnt! :)

moving on up

to the big time....sing with me! (actually, that's all of the words i know! haha!)
i wanted to wait until we have pictures of our own place to show off, but the camera battery is dead, and i dont' know where the charger is so, you'll have to wait for new pictures, personal pictures. but, i'll tell you the exciting news.......
we have our own apartment!! wahoo! no more living with grandma. not that it wasn't fun or good for us or appreciated... it was all of the above. but, let me tell you, it is so great to have our own place. to have our own bed back, our own wonderful mattress, our kitchen stuff (as little of it as we have in colorado!), our pictures, our towels, all the little things that make a house your own, we have them back!! and it's so great! i am just so pumped! i can't wait until we get some more furniture... it's very spacious right now, only our tv and two lawn chairs in the living room.... yeah, we are high class!! :) haha! it's so great!
pictures to come, but until then here's the link to where we live now! :)
http://www.grandviewatflatirons.com/
enjoy! yeah! we have our own place!!!! (can you tell i'm excited?!?)

it's official

bought our plane tickets this afternoon...
$375
seven days of vacation
i'm so excited i can hardly stand it!

the countdown is on

we are going to tennessee this summer. we are buying our plane tickets tomorrow. our very good friend, joel, is getting married. he was our best man, he is such a good friend to mat, has been all through high school. we are very excited to be a part of his and tay's special day. plus, they are getting married three days before our anniversary, so we get to take a trip for our anniversary. i am very excited. plus, we have never been to tennessee. it'll be lots of fun. we are extending our trip for a few days to have some "us" time, some chill out, relax, and spend time together. i'm very much looking forward to it.
however, it is also my deadline.. my point of reference.. my finish line. i'm trying to get back in shape, and travelling to a warm locale during to spring/summer, with the possibility of a beach has certain appeal/fright....motivation. tomorrow is my start..my first day. i don't want to lose weight, but it wouldn't hurt!, but i want to get in shape, more physically fit, less jiggly.
i need some motivation, encouragement, advice. anything. i'm excited, which i think will help my cause. that's all...

i'm a medical marvel

nothing with my health is ever easy. everything is complicated, or a mystery....... case in point.... two years ago, i went to the doctor for my stomach. first, i had heartburn. then, i had an ulcer. then, my gall bladder was removed. then, i still had an ulcer. now, i'm chalking everything up to lactose intolerance. frustrating that we couldn't have figured that out before i had surgery....
now, another medical mystery. my ears have been bothering me for about four or five days. they hurt so badly, feel so full of "stuff", and are so sensitive to loud sounds. ouch. painful. we got over the counter drops, and it hasn't helped. so i go to the doctor today. he looks in my ears, clean as can be. do i have allergies? no. are my lymph nodes swollen or sore? no. am i sick in any other way, sore throat, runny nose, fever? no. he looks at me, crosses his arms, and shakes his head. he doesn't know what is wrong with me.... wow, thanks doc. he gave me a decongestant, and if that doesn't help in a week, i have to go see the ear nose and throat doctor.... that'll be fun. next they'll take out my ears and find out later that we could've solved it with ear drops.... that's just the way things work. mat tells me i'm a medical marvel. that doesn't make me feel any better. hopefully the decongestant will work.....
we went and saw epic movie yesterday. wow, it was funny. funny along the lines of scary movie, not another teen movie, and the other ones.... a type of humor mat and i enjoy. my only criticism is that the movie itself was all of one hour.... that's right, one hour. i feel as though the price of a movie should be directly related to the length of time the movie is. needless to say, i felt a little jipped, but, it was our valentines day, so it was still fun. we ate our weight in brunch at the st. julien. mat had a certificate from when he worked there, so we got all you can eat bruch and all you can drink mimosas for twenty bucks. it was great. crab legs, prime rib, eggs benedict, biscuits and gravy, amazing french toast, it was all so delicious. and so much fun. we just ate and sat and talked and laughed at the people around us (the lady who got up nine times for more.... she had a huge bubble butt, and her and her "companion" kept eating oyster.... and aphrodesiac..... it's hard to get the picture without seeing it, but it was pretty funny) we had such a good day yesterday, just hanging out, relaxed and spending time together. i love my husband!

let the invasion begin.....

"jesus is being lost in a religion bearing His name. people are being lost because they cannot reconcile jesus' assocation with christianity. christianity has become docile, domesticated, civilized. we have forgotten that there is a kingdom of darkness stealing the hopes and dreams and souls of a humanity without God. it is time to hear the barbarian call, to form a barbarian tribe, and to unleash the barbarian revolt. let the invasion begin..."

i'm reading this amazing book by erwin mcmanus. someone with a name like erwin has to bring about greatness. and this book is great. it's really challenging my thinking on christianity and being a follower of christ, and the difference between the two. it is forcing me to change my thoughts on being called to a lifetime of service to God, that it's not comfortable and prettyness and supplying for need and answering prayer the way we want it to be answered... john the baptist prayed to not lose faith and for jesus to save his life, but that wasn't what he had planned....... that it's hard work, life-threatening work, dirty work, amazing work. there's another line in that book, haven't written it down yet, that says something to the effect of "some people make it through the darkest night, and some people wake up in glory." i only hope that we are up for the challenge. this book is really worth checking out.... it's hard to explain exactly what it is doing to my heart, but it is doing some great things. making me think and pray hard about some things. anyone who has read it, help me out here!

"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. for whoever want to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." luke 9:22-23

it makes me wonder what God is calling me to, and what i'm missing out on by the way i am currently leading my life. he talks about how crazy and insane john the baptist was, and how polite and controlled christians are now. it makes me want to embrace a barbarian way of life, but not knowing where to start. i like being polite, treating people with respect. but i am realizing that i need to care less about what people think of me and care more about my mission in life, telling others about jesus. leading the lost to him. but what does that look like? what does the typical missionary look like, and how exactly can i fit into that mold? what do i have to give up, what will i lose? but more importantly, what will i gain? how will my life be bettered, enriched, by heeding the barbarian call, by following jesus with reckless abandon and going wherever he wants us to go? what will my life be by living less safely, and more dependent on God?

holiday blizzard 2006

mat's truck after the blizzard. he drove home from work at about noon, and this was about eleven the next morning.....

this is my car..... see the glimpse of red? i drove home from work at about three that afternoon, again, this is about eleven the next morning. i made it all the way home, and got stuck in the culdesac..... my car was still all cock-eyed and snow covered when we got home from montana...

this is the picnic table on grandma's deck..... close to the house, so it's not a totally accurate measure, but makes for a good picture

this is my favorite picture. this is looking outside from our bedroom, our room is in the basement, the bottom of the window is about level with the ground. again, this is at about eleven the morning we left for montana. wow, huh?

sorry these are so belated. this is from holiday blizzard 2006 as the newscasters were calling it.... now it's simply blizzard number one..... with blizzard number four on the forecast for thursday. it's great for the farmers, firefighters and skiiers...... but seriously, enough is enough!!

insomniac

oh my flipping word...... november 23rd is the last time i've posted on here..... that's irresponsible and just sad. one of my resolutions, or goals maybe, is to be more dilligent with this, keeping people up to date with the goings-on in boulder, in the smith family (i can't say household, since technically there is more than just smiths in our household......) i'm also going to try and start working harder on my business, thats a huge resolution of mine. with as busy as work will be in the next few months, we'll see when that one happens. but, here's to wishful thinking!
the past few weeks have been so stressful, combining christmas, three (one more on the way) blizzards, a funeral, and still working more than full time........ it's been a crazy few weeks, with a few more to go before things return to normal, but, it'll be good to get some overtime and get a lot done. it was good tho, to see everyone, both at home (for the two days we were there) and here. altho with all the travelling, it was hard to think of it as christmas and all that, seeing as we drove home on christmas day. but, it was, and it was still good to see everyone, both in montana and here. lots of family time, lots of presents, lots of laughs, lots of cold germs given to us by the kidlets, but all in all, a fun couple weeks. stressful, with no end in sight, but lots of fun. i'll post pictures as soon as i get on the right computer. i'm watching mtv and i don't want to get off my butt!!