well, i finally made it. today was not without it's bad money decisions, but i'm done being accountable for my spending (to someone other than hubby)... :) every week there is a broncos game, at work they have a pool, a grid more or less, that you can buy squares, then the squares are numbered, and a the end of each quarter of the broncos game, whoever's square matches the score wins $25. they still had 28 open squares this afternoon, so i thought i'd buy a few. who knows, maybe i'll get lucky. and i had my $10 for this week, courtesy of the husband. so i bought five squares. poor money decision. if the broncos had won, it might not have been so bad, but not only did they lose terribly, the didn't even lose according to the squares i had bought... :( so i'm out $5 for the week. i feel like it will be a long week. however, i have plenty to keep me busy this week. so that shouldn't be a problem. and, my darling friend joy was over tonight for our weekly dinner and bible study, so that made the pain of blowing half of my weekly budget in one fell swoop easier to handle :)
to sum up my past two weeks: i has been interesting. i have learned a lot about myself through the process of not spending, but when i think about it, i have even more questions i haven't begun to ask myself. why do i spend so incessantly in the first place? what am i avoiding by shopping (i know, usually it's homework, but there must be something else) by buying things secretly, by spending more than i know i should, by buying things i really don't need. i know that my gift is gifting people, but sometimes i wonder if i have a hidden motivation behind the gifts i give people and the motives and attitude behind my generosity. is it really generosity if we really might not be able to afford it? don't get me wrong, i'm honestly not putting things on credit cards and raking up huge debt....but sometimes, paying off the little debt we have, or putting into our savings is more important than buying something for someone, just because. reading in my sociology book tonight was interesting too, talking about the different social classes. what am i trying to portray by buying things and acquiring "stuff"? i really feel like i have learned a lot, about society and myself, through this whole project, but part of me thinks i have only hit the top of the iceberg. i have a lot of other things to work through. it's becoming more important to me to be a good steward of the money we have been entrusted with. and the huge-ness of that trust. and what that means for us in the future. thoughts spewing out everywhere. need time to process.
however, that being said, i'm very positive about this experience. i'm glad for the restored peace in my marriage (not that it was terrible before, it's just nice to be getting this area under control...) and i'm excited to see what the upcoming weeks have as i stay on this allowance/budget. it'll be a good, stretching time, just as these two weeks have been. thanks for hanging with me on this journey. give me a few days to process this all, but i'll be back!