i promised [you-know-who] i would write about it... but i cheated by 80 cents. i wanted a candy bar, so i took some change from our jar at home. mat called me a "cheater cheater pumpkin eater".... i can't decide how i feel about it...did i really cheat? i think i kinda did. i mean, the whole idea is to not spend on impulsive, silly things i don't really "need"....but, comon, it's 80 cents. man, my twix sure was good.
today after work was a struggle for me. fridays are usually when i detour to target after work. mat usually works late, so there is no one to come home to, nothing (but homework) to do, so usually i mosey around target for a while. not today, my friends. i came straight home. i talked to mat for a while, and i've been doing homework ever since. it was hard to not stop by target for "things we need" but i think it would have been a slippery slope. and i don't want to fail. even when mat said i should go get myself something nice for getting an A(!!!!!!) on my sociology test, i didn't fall for the bait. it's important to me to finish this project and not give into the silly temptation to buy stupid things and indulge myself materialistically. i think i'm going to relax tonight, try to fall asleep on the couch, and tomorrow i'm going to do some baking and candle making (all that is left is butchering...get it? haha...) i am going to go to the grocery store, but i don't see that as cheating per se. if i can stick to the list.
so far, this has been an interesting project. overhearing some coworkers say "oh my gosh, those are so cute, i just want to go over there and buy some!" made me think about how strong our need for instant gratification can be. by our i mean...women? americans? young adults without kids? any of the above. it's hard to delay gratification and fall behind the "keeping up with the joneses" theory so many of us feel the pressure to maintain. for me not rushing out and impuslively buying things this week has given me a new appreciation for all the plentiful things i do have. i have a (nearly) fully stocked pantry--why am i eating out all the time? i have an overflowing closet--why do i feel the need to keep buying new clothes and shoes? i have shelves of unread books downstairs--why would i buy another one, simply because i like the author or the cover is pretty? i have a beautiful, rich, warm, love-filled home--why do i need to buy more "things" to make it look pretty or make me look "stylish" (i'm at a loss for words on this one...do you know what feelings i'm refering to?) i am honestly overwhelemed with all the blessings i have; the fact that i keep feeling the need to buy more things is embarassing and shocking...and saddening a little bit.
i joyfully wrote a check for $18 for our compassion child's christmas gift the other day. i'm not saying this in any way to toot our horns or anything like that. i'm saying that to highlight this point--how would children (or "gracious" "mature" adults for that matter) react to recieving a gift worth (only) $18 for christmas--and that was your only christmas gift. to be honest, it would be really hard for me to be greatful with a new dvd as my only christmas gift. but this is all our little guy will probably get this christmas. and you know what.... he will, without a doubt, be floored by it. seriously puts some things in perpective for me. seriously.